He hates me. No, it's not true. I don't think he ever hated me, not even when we first met in Rivendell. He seemed angry, confused maybe...but I saw no hate in his eyes. His eyes were alight but it wasn't from the fire of hate, it was from the fire of desire. I should know for my eyes reflected the same desire back. He tried to hide his desire in his distance and arrogance as I did in my silence and leadership. Yet, like two pieces of a whole we were still drawn together.
It was so much easier before. Before tonight. I didn't know anything about him and I preferred it like that. My desire was easier fought back when I could tell myself the only beautiful thing about him were his body. Then tonight I saw his soul. Vulnerable, tears in his eyes, he told me all about his fears and doubts and I realized that not only could I understand but I could relate to him.
The question is; what shall I do now? Since we started out from Rivendell I have feared he might try and take the Ring. Before tonight the thought gave me the strength to fight my desire with hate and despise for a man who was too weak to resist the Ring. But tonight I've heard his reasons, I've seen his soul and against my will I find his reasons understandable and his soul...his soul tempts me, teases me, and threatens to draw me into his embrace.
When I saw him earlier, looking so lost, sad, and broken I wanted nothing more than to take him in my arms and hold him tight but I know I must not. I cannot. I have a decision to make tonight. Is he my enemy, my friend.... or can he be my lover? My head warns me that he will be an enemy, my honor bids me to accept him as a friend, and my heart...my heart wants him by my side forever.
What shall I do? A soldier would kill the enemy, a good King would never judge only on 'maybes', and a lover...would never harm his beloved. I'm so confused. If only something could be easy for once. Suddenly I wish I wasn't Isildur's heir and he the son of the Steward of Gondor. I wish we were nothing but common men for then the love I feel for him and that I see returned in his eyes...that love could actually be.
I look over and see Boromir lying a little away from me, asleep as are all the others. He looks so peaceful in sleep; his fair hair falls over his face and for once his face doesn't speak of burdens heavier than the stones that lie around me. He looks so young in sleep, so valuable.
I can't keep a smile from spreading over my lips. How could I ever dream of harming this man? The answer is simple; I can't. What I admit now to myself goes against all I have learned and all I was taught to believe in but it's true none the less...I'd rather see all of Middle Earth fall into Shadows than see him harmed in any way. If that makes me a bad King and an even worse soldier, then so be it for I can't go against my heart.
I stand up and with the experience my years with the Elves have given me I walk silently to his side and kneels down. Ever so softly I let a hand rest on his head. His hair feels softer than grass in spring. I bend down and kiss his forehead as lightly as butterfly wings. A small smile spreads over his lips as if he has sensed me, but he doesn't open his eyes.
"Rest easy, Boromir, Lord Of Gondor. I shall watch over you and I swear for as long as I live, no harm shall ever come to you," I whisper softly and with my life or death I'll keep this vow, as I'll honor my vow to Frodo.
Having found some sense of peace with my decision and my admission of the feelings I've bore inside since we left Rivendell, I walk a few paces away from him and fetches my blanket to lie close by his side.
Later that night I awake by a strong light that quickly fades. Where it come from is impossible to say. I turn to look if Boromir is safe and see that sometime during the night his right hand has moved to hold mine. I look at our hands and with a smile on my lips and in my heart I close my hand over his and hold on tight, vowing never to let go again.
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Story notes: Timeline: Set within the 'LOTR: The Fellowship Of The Ring' movie
Universe: Movie. ONLY movie! This series quickly goes alternative ending though *LOL*
Sequel/series: Part 1 of "A Matter Of..." series.
Thanks to SorcierÃ© for the Beta.