Over in the distance we saw the survivors standing on the dock talking to Elrond. He looked as disappointed as I knew he would be. When one of the drenched ones turned her head I nearly gasped in surprise. I did not because I have a legendary self control and refuse to exhibit sudden emotions.
"Lúthien."
"What?" Maglor stared into the distance. "Where?"
"Over there, talking to Elrond."
"The scaly, unwashed strumpet?" Erestor asked gleefully.
"Melian and Thingol are there as well." Maglor sighed. "Poor Elrond."
I shook my head. How I hated Lúthien, indeed I still do. There is no feature about her with which she can ever redeem herself in my eyes. Her badly behaved dog killed my favourite pet werewolf, Draugluin, and every single one of my favourite wolf pack. Lúthien slayed Thuringwethil, a dear friend and lover of mine, who did nothing to deserve being skinned whilst dying, just because the murderous trollop wanted to dress up as a vampire. The pain and distress she must have endured is beyond thought.
According to the Chronicles of the Elves and their mawkish lays, I was disorientated when the fold of Lúthien's enchanted cloak struck me whilst fighting Huan. It is nearly true. Her enchanted cloak had no effect at all. In reality, I caught a glimpse of her badly made knickers, when she lifted her cloak up, and saw that they hadn't been washed in well over a month. It seems she wore her skid marks with pride. Shocked at such slovenliness, I considered giving her a lecture about personal hygiene, and that is when Huan took the advantage. I always told the Orcs and Uruk-hai that they could never know success while living in a state of filth, but Lúthien disproved that. Afterwards I had a hard job convincing them that they should even wipe their arses after relieving themselves. When a significant proportion of them were killed for being smelly they soon came around to my way of thinking. My stronghold might have been one of evil but you could eat off the floors because they were so clean.
The other diners stared at Lúthien and her party as they approached the restaurant. There were gasps at her supposedly incredible beauty. I suppose she was quite fair, if you like that sort of thing, but inside she was a festering boil, wearing horrible burlap knickers - they didn't even have any lace trimmings when I last saw them! On the other hand, trimming burlap with lace is like giving a mud covered pig a pair of diamond earrings. I could not see why the elves were so enamoured when they looked at her; Maglor is an infinite amount of times more attractive than her. What is more I told him. Erestor smiled happily; he loves it when I tell Maglor how much I adore him.
Elrond was not with the party. He told me later that Celebrían was hysterical that Arwen had not been on the ship. Because of her daughter's close resemblance to Lúthien she thought she saw her from a distance. Her heart rose, and then fell, crushed at the hopelessness of her longing. I would tear the Valar apart with my bare hands if I was in the same situation. Erestor and Maglor are very dear to me; nowhere would be safe from my vengeance. On the other hand, Celebrían is only an elf, so who cares what she feels.
"I hope she is not going to sit near us," Erestor boomed. "We do not want any scaly, unwashed strumpets sitting near us, do we, Ada?"
"Hush!" Maglor admonished. "Really, Erestor, you can be so embarrassing sometimes."
"I expect the first good wash she has had in years was when she landed in the sea," I said, causing my little boy to grin. Maglor gave me a look of exasperation. "I doubt she is near enough to hear us yet, but I would not stay my lips even if she were."
"You are lucky I love you," Maglor gave me a kiss on my cheek and melted when I gave him one back.
"Why do you both kiss when you say you love each other? Sometimes you say it and then you send me to bed early so you can go into your bedroom and make funny noises." Erestor is an inquisitive little boy and sometimes opens his mouth inappropriately; however, I think free speech should be encouraged no matter who it hurts. As far as I am concerned he can say what he likes, his innocent utterings are many times more intelligent and witty than those of the elves around us. They should think themselves lucky that he shares his pearls of wisdom.
Maglor does not share my view. "Erestor, what two adults do in closed rooms is no business of yours. I think we have had this discussion before?"
Erestor gave a theatrical sigh and smiled sweetly. "SORRYYYYYYYYYY." I grinned at the look of horror on my only one's face.
"Erestor." I said. Just one word and he stopped.
"Ada, can we have some dessert please?"
I shrugged my shoulders when Maglor looked questioningly at me. He always envied my ability to get Erestor to behave with the minimum of intervention. "Only well behaved boys get dessert."
"Can I have hot cherries and ice cream please?" Erestor's big eyes looked excitedly at me in anticipation. He knew already that I would agree.
"Sauron," Maglor said through our connection. "How are we going to mould Erestor's behaviour if you always give into him?"
"Look at his sweet little face. He is only saying what others think. I am pleased that he feels free enough to do that with us. It is a compliment really."
"I suppose so." Maglor smiled. I can always get him to agree. He put his arm around Erestor's shoulders and kissed the top of his head.
"Ada," Erestor said to me because he is a manipulative little git, "you kiss me as well, please." He looked expectantly at me, no doubt thinking of the tantrum he would have if I refused. I pulled the little brat onto my knee and gave him several quick, sloppy kisses on his face, causing him to wipe himself with his hands. "I didn't say make me wet!"
Maglor pulled Erestor onto his lap and did the same until he was begging him to stop. A waiter joined us, smiling at Erestor struggling to stop Maglor kissing him.
"Right, you want cherries and ice cream. I will have raspberries in liqueur with almond cream. Maglor, what would you like?"
"HOT cherries, Ada!" Erestor looked positively alarmed.
"Yes, hot cherries please." I shook my head indulgently at my little boy. I am glad he is badly behaved, it makes him more interesting.
"I will have lemon sorbet with glace tangerine slices, please." Maglor loves most candied fruit, as do I. Sometimes, I float candied kumquats in his coffee, just because I can.
Lúthien could not see me because the diners obscured their view, for the most part. I had no desire to let my family outing be disrupted by her, or her vile parents, who were still banned from eating in the restaurant after they had made Erestor cry and refused to pay for their food. As expected, the manager turned the party away.
"I am Lúthien," the scaly, unwashed one said imperiously. "I am sent by Lord Eru! How dare you refuse me entry!"
"Sent by Lord Eru indeed." Maglor glanced at her in disgust.
"I know. She is deplorable. Erestor, do not listen to what she is saying; she is an out and out liar."
"I don't listen to elves who refuse to wash, Ada," Erestor assured me. "I think I can smell her from here."
Maglor tittered, trying not to show Erestor he was doing so. I laughed as loud as I could, because that's the sort of Maia I am.
"I am not refusing entry to you, my Lady. Indeed you are perfectly welcome." I moved around on my chair so I could see better. The manager glanced at Melian and Thingol. "However, two of your guests are banned for causing a disturbance within my restaurant, so I cannot let them in."
"Lord Manwë will hear about this," Lúthien snapped.
"I have been assured by Lord Manwë that I am well within my rights." Well done to the manager for refusing to be cowed by Lúthien and her ratbag parents.
From far off we could hear a voice. "Lúthien darling, I have found somewhere better. Elrond has just told me about a nice place further on."
"Who is that?" Maglor asked, interested for the first time.
I sighed. It seems they will let anyone into Valinor these days. "It's that clown, Beren."
"But he is human."
"Yes, he is. I wonder what is going on."
"Elrond might know."
Our desserts arrived. The waiter placed a jug of watermelon juice fortified with spirit of flowers on the table. Large sprigs of lemon verbena poked out through the strawberries floating in the drink. Around the rim was a decorative line of pink sugar crystals. "With the compliments of the management," he said as he poured the cerise-pink tinted juice into three glasses.
A streak of malice always runs through me. Normally I keep it well suppressed, but the thought occurred to me that perhaps I should let the unwashed one know that I was in an exclusive restaurant that her parents were banned from. "Let us stand and make a toast to Lord Manwë, who made our lifestyle possible."
We stood up. Erestor was nearly up to our shoulders when standing on his chair. We raised our glasses and toasted Lord Manwë, loudly thanking him for our good fortune and the charmed existence we enjoyed because of his indulgence.
He appeared at the table. "What are you up to, Sauron?"
It was pointless lying to Manwë, he can read my thoughts most of the time. "I am giving my support to the manager, who is having some difficulty in reasoning with some of the less desirable elements who live here. He has tried telling them that you are in agreement with his course of action, but they still refuse to go away. Apparently, one of them, at least, was sent by Lord Eru himself."
Manwë said nothing. He walked away and told the would be diners to go elsewhere, ordering them not to attempt to countermand his decisions with lies.
"The perfidious Sauron and his appalling family are allowed access, so why not us?" Melian asked, outraged because I waved to her, smiling gleefully. "Look, he is taunting us!"
Manwë turned quickly and saw only Erestor poking his tongue out. I told him to stop, so it looked as if I had corrected him, thus being one of the few adults in a sea of children.
"Go elsewhere and do not dare to disturb my servant or his family." Manwë looked so awesome that they should have wet their pants. Lúthien's were probably still wet anyway; her mother had not bothered to dry her clothing, leading me to believe that she could not perform what I consider to be a mere party trick.
"Sauron is your servant?" Lúthien was really pushing her luck. "Are you aware of the unhappiness he caused the elven races when living in Middle-earth? Well, are you?" Manwë does not take well to being hectored.
I was a bit disappointed that she did not mention how unhappy I made all the other races in Middle-earth during my tenure as supreme ruler. Maybe she did not care about them, which was extremely likely and true to her callous nature, but what does one expect of an elf who wears her scabby underclothes until they drop to bits.
" You dare to question me!" Manwë said quietly; he was about to explode with rage.
"How can elves tell their children that crime does not pay when they see riffraff like Sauron riding on the backs of elves who work hard for a living?" Melian shrilled, ever one to ignore warning signs from the Valar. "And he has corrupted a small elfling!"
Before Manwë could do anything, Lady Varda appeared. "Do not question my husband's edicts," she said more imperiously than anything Lúthien could ever muster. The small group shrank back, as they should have done in the first place.
"My Lady, we were merely expressing our disappointment at..." Melian started.
"Lord Eru allowed your daughter to come here with her husband, but we can just as easily send them back."
"We should anyway," Manwë muttered. He glared at the group. "You are all under probation. Any harassment of Sauron or his family, and I will punish each and every one of you."
I watched with avid interest, smiling widely just to annoy them. I quickly turned back to my food when Varda looked around. She walked over to our table. "Sauron, you make our job harder when you taunt them."
"Yes, my Lady," I replied, knowing that she was not angry with me. " I give you my word that I will not encourage any confrontation."
"Just by being yourself you encourage confrontation." Varda smiled. "Just don't provoke them into starting anything."
"So if I do nothing and they decide to confront me then I will not be blamed?" It is important to ask these things because the Valar are great at backpedalling.
"No. Why? What are you up to?"
"My Lady, I am merely defining the situation. I have no intentions otherwise."
Varda gave me an odd look before turning to Erestor. "Did you enjoy the ship sinking, little one?"
"I loved it!" Erestor reached forward and threw his tiny arms around Varda. He gave her a wet kiss, which made her laugh. "My ada is great. He made it sink just for me. I laughed so hard my belly hurt!"
"You find the strangest things funny." Varda laughed as she picked up Erestor and gave him a cuddle. "I supposed living with your adas it is to be expected." Varda has never criticised my destruction of water borne vessels. I like to think she enjoys watching them sink as well. Indeed, she has a naughty streak a mile wide, but unlike me she has never embraced evil, a character failing in my opinion. She took Erestor over to Manwë. "This lovely little boy wants to say hello to you."
Manwë took Erestor and hugged him before giving him a kiss on the cheek. Erestor was so excited that when he threw his arms around Manwë their heads bonked together.
"Ow!"
"I think you knocked me into next week, little Erestor," Manwë chuckled. He did his best to comfort our little boy, who was rubbing his head and trying not to cry. I have never suggested to Erestor that he should hold his emotions in. It must be an elven thing. I have noticed that other elves are wary of showing emotions as well, the ones were guests in my strongholds most definitely. Manwë and Erestor had a spirited conversation, which I am too bored to recall. However, I noticed that the despicable Lúthien and her toerag relatives were talking to Elrond and Celebrían, gesticulating in my direction while trying to ignore my ion playing with the Lord of Airs. One cannot buy propaganda of such quality. What a wonderful boy Erestor is. I will make a Dark Lord of him yet, although he will be only fraction as powerful as me; I am in no hurry to meet Manwë's tentacled creatures again.
Manwë deposited Erestor back in his seat and told him to be a good boy before taking Varda's hand and disappearing, for real this time. They were gone, so we could relax. We ate our desserts while watching Melian, Thingol, Lúthien and Beren trolling down the road to a restaurant further down the length of the dockside. I am happy to say it was one of the rougher places, who could not care less about their clientele type so long as they paid. Elrond and Celebrían did not accompany them. He told me later that the concept of family only went so far with him, where manners and dining in rough places are concerned. I do believe my rampant snobbery is starting to wear onto him.
I placed my spoon on the empty, cut-glass bowl and drank the last of the watermelon juice, while waiting for Erestor to finish. Maglor, sighed contentedly and slipped his hand into mine. Anor gently warmed the petrichor scented air, already the tops of the cobbles were drying.
"The weather is too fine for us to go back early." Maglor smiled.
"Let's go for a walk." Erestor ate his last hot cherry. "Mad Legolas has bet that he can balance Unca Fëanor's horse on his head for five minutes without dropping it or falling over. He is going to do it at seven this evening."
"It's only five o'clock." Maglor looked over at the tower clock as he said it.
"It's out by an hour; the clock keeper has yet to put it right. It's actually six o'clock." Valinor savings time came in yesterday. However, on his way to alter the clock the keeper suffered an unfortunate accident when he fell off his horse. Happily, nothing was broken, although Erestor was quite disappointed when I told him, bless his little heart. I am very particular about the proper time being on display. I deplore untidiness and poor time keeping in equal measure. It is not up to me, however, to put the time right, which I could easily do. If I did, Manwë might insist that I do it all the time, and I have far better things to do.
"Let's go and watch Mad Legolas." Maglor rose from his chair. He picked up Erestor and held him on his hip. "We have to walk past a restaurant where certain people who are very rude are eating. I do not want you to be rude to them. All right?"
"All right, I won't." Erestor seemed dejected. As Maglor walked ahead of me, Erestor looked behind and gave me his most appealing, pleading look.
I winked, and Erestor grinned. Maglor was none the wiser.
