He was empty, everything was gone now. Only darkness and the deep sense of longing existed. Gandalf had explained it was simply his innocence that had been taken, but Frodo knew that the One Ring had taken his soul. How does one even begin to try to find their soul once it is lost? His dearest friend and companion, Samwise Gamgee, had tried everything in his power, during their stay at Minas Tirith, to give him hope with his gentleness and loving heart.
Dear Sam, Frodo knew he did not deserve such a devoted friend, but how glad he was in having one. Of course, Sam became more then just a friend. During his days of healing, Sam had tried to convey his love though small shared intimacies. A few kisses, and handholding and cuddling. It did much for his state of mind. Frodo enjoyed the cuddling the most. To be next to a warm body and nestled in strong protective arms had given him reprieve from the nightmares he experienced while sleeping.
Frodo longed for their relationship to bloom into something more, but Frodo knew that though his own life seemed to be ending, Sam had his whole life ahead of him. For one, there was Rosie waiting for him back in the Shire. Frodo did not fool himself into thinking that Rosie would be willing to move in and share Sam's love willingly with him. As kind hearted as Rosie was, that would have been asking a little too much. So, since they had left Minas Tirith and started to make their way home, Frodo had started to loosen his hold over Samwise Gamgee, much to the gardener's confusion. It was necessary, for in the end, it was better for everyone.
The problem was, though his friends could once again pick up their lives as before, Frodo knew that his life was fragmented into pieces and he would never be able to put it back together again. Frodo had hoped that when he and his fellow hobbits arrived in Rivendell, and reunited with his dear Uncle Bilbo, that he would finally find some healing from his quest.
Instead, all he felt was a deeper sense of loss and emptiness. He had come to realized that he didn't have Sam, he didn't have any family, he didn't have anyone. He was alone. He didn't even have the Ring.
Unable to sleep, Frodo rose and being careful not to wake his gardener, who slept just on the other side of the bed, he put on a robe given to him by one of the elves and decided to take a midnight walk outside in the nearby gardens. Imladris. That was Rivendell's real name bestowed upon the elves.
It was more then beautiful, it was breathtaking and Frodo knew without a doubt why his Uncle had chosen to return and refused to leave. Walking through the gardens at night, Frodo could smell the fragrant flowers planted everywhere around him, enticing and offering him peace.
Staring up at the sky, he could see a thousand stars and a bright, full, silver moon. The night was warm with only a light breeze in the air. A perfect night for a walk. A time to think. Once his cousins and Sam were settled in the Shire, then he could make his plans. He knew he couldn't stay in the Shire. He would always be out place, and he did not wish to be in the way of Sam's life.
But where would he go? Maybe he would come back here. Maybe he could ask Elrond if he could stay for a time. He knew the elves were leaving these shores, intending to return to Valinor, but perhaps they would let him stay here until the end of his days, how ever long that may be.
While in Minas Tirith, Frodo had learned that his life had been shortened by overhearing Gandalf and Aragorn speak of his illness. He would be lucky if he lived another year, two if he was lucky.
"His wounds will never heal."
"He is dying."
A part of Frodo wished he had perished in those flames at Mount doom it would have solved so many problems. So much pain. Feeling the tears come stinging to his eyes, Frodo sought to sit himself down in a flower bed and gaze at the stars. Once there had been a time when he had been oblivious to all the world's problems and realities. Once there had been a time when he had felt loved and happy. Once he had been whole. Now he felt torn, shattered and broken, like an abused toy. However, instead of being thrown away or burned to ashes, he was left as is. Untouched and unwanted. Alone.
At first, so consumed by his own thoughts, Frodo didn't quite hear the distant voice from the far end of the garden. But gradually Frodo came out of his dark thoughts and perked his ears, listening. It was elvishlike and yet different. It wasn't the usual songs Frodo had heard in the Great Halls. The voice sounded familiar and...it was exquisite. All thoughts drifted away and only the words existed.
Il mondo gira con me questa
notte Piccoli passi che faccio con te
Seguo il tuo cuore e seguo la luna
Cosi' nascosta lontana da me Il mondo
gira con noi questa notte
Ahhhh, esistesse lontano da qui
Un posto dove scoprire il mio cuore
Sapere se lui puo' amare ti o no
Returning his gaze to the stars, Frodo felt himself pulled to the moon and its shining light. It was strange how the moon seemed more beautiful and real then the sun to him now. Once he had enjoyed the hot rays. Now he hid himself from its light.
Frodo knew the truth of why he was in so much pain. Because though the world proclaimed him a hero, he knew in his heart, he had betrayed the trust placed upon him. That he had failed in his quest. Raising his four fingered hand, Frodo looked at the missing finger and felt the shame come upon him once more. Still the song continued and Frodo could feel the words move him.
E girera e girera
Il cuore mio assieme a te
E girera il la terra
Girera la mia vita
E un giorno lui si si caprira
Sei tu che giri con me questa notte
Sei tu che giri lontana da qui
Ma si io so che tu sei la mia luna
Qualcosa mostri qualcosa no
"The Ring is mine!" He had claimed the One Ring and in so doing, Frodo knew that he had failed. He was a failure. He had wanted so much to be the Hero. He wanted to be the one to save the day. Perhaps that was his greatest sin of them all. He had allowed himself to become vain and prideful. Like all the others, Frodo had allowed Sauron's evil to manipulate and destroy him. But he lived. Elbereth must have done so as a form of punishment. It had to be a punishment. To live like this. Being ripped apart and incomplete.
Ci sono strade azzurre nel cielo
Ci sono occhi e il cielo e gia li
Si questo credo cesiano le stelle
Ahhh, se potessi fermarmi cosi'
E girera e girera
Il cuore mio lontan da te
E girera il la terra
Girera la mio vita
E un giorno lui si si caprira
The words continued to sing in the air and flow towards him as a gentle breeze brushed back his long, dark brown curls from his face. He could hear the sounds of nature all around him and still Frodo was torn from his thoughts and found himself drawn to the song.
He wondered what the words meant, for they seemed powerful and ancient. He knew some elvish, thanks to Bilbo, but not enough to understand the words being sung in the far end of the garden.
Unable to resist, Frodo got to his feet and started to follow the trail, hoping it would lead him to the elf that sang such an alluring song.
Cuore e gia lontano
Si tu sei la luna
Potessi scoprirlo nel cielo
E girera e girera
Si girera il cuore mio
Girera il la terra
Girera la mia vita
Un giorno lui si si caprira
Un giorno lui si ti caprira
Frodo had just come behind a large weeping willow tree when he spotted the lone figure sitting on a stone bench. He was tall and dark haired and seemed to be staring up at the moon. His eyes were filled with tears falling endlessly down his cheeks. His hands were half raised, upturned as if asking for something that was beyond even his understanding.
Frodo blinked, recognizing the form of Elrond, the Lord of Rivendell. The one who had allowed him to take the One Ring to Mount Doom, to destroy the great evil of Middle-Earth. The one who had entrusted him to carry out that which no one else could do. The one that believed that he could do it. The one person Frodo had truly failed.
He remembered how they first met. He had awoken after being in a comatose state for several days, having been stabbed by a Morgul blade. The elf had the most piercing eyes. The most unique face. Not exactly handsome but quite nice to look at. It was ancient and wise, and sad too. Elrond had lived since the first age and with his years of long life, he had endured much pain.
Frodo sadly stared at the ground, realizing that if anyone had a reason to be unhappy, it was he. He had lost so many he loved in his long life. Gil-Galad, Celebrian, and now his beautiful Arwen. His lovely daughter, who had given up her immortality to marry Aragorn. There was no ship that would take her to Valinor.
Looking up, Frodo suddenly felt ashamed for intruding on his peace. Attempting to make a silent retreat, Frodo didn't see the branch at his feet and inadvertently caused a loud cracking noise by stepping on it. The ancient being whipped around, and catching sight of the small form, his worry and annoyance faded. He smiled gently at the Hobbit, who now looked even more mortified than before.
"Master Frodo, it is late to be walking in the gardens. Should you not be resting?"
Frodo smiled and shrugged helplessly hoping that because it was so dark, Elrond would not see the redness on his cheeks.
"I couldn't sleep. So, I thought a walk would help. I love the gardens here. They are so...appealing. I heard some singing and...I'm sorry I didn't mean to interrupt you. I will go."
Wiping his eyes with his fingers, Elrond shook his head.
"Come sit with me."
Not wishing to disobey and be rude to his host, Frodo decided to give up his escape and joined the ancient elf on the stone bench. After a long spell of silence that unsettled him, Frodo spoke.
"It's a nice night. Not too hot. Full moon. Flowers in bloom."
"We have not had much time to talk. Not even during my short stay at Minas Tirith for Arwen's wedding. How are you feeling?"
Frodo shrugged, glancing at his missing finger and quickly hid it in his robe.
"Fine. Although Sam pesters me. He thinks I don't eat enough. I suppose if I were round as a melon, he would be much happier."
"He probably would. I apologize for not seeing you while I was there. But I had...other things on my mind." Frodo looked up at the dark elf lord and felt the tears come to his own eyes.
"I understand. I am sorry for your loss. It is...never easy to let go of someone we love."
Frodo turned away and tried to keep his gaze on the moon. Staring deep into Elrond's eyes was too compelling and revealed his own pain. He needed distance. He wasn't sure if he was ready to share his pain with someone, especially with the Ancient Elf.
"Yes," replied Elrond.
Silence came again and Frodo sighed, hoping to divert Elrond's attention to something else.
"You have lost many that you loved. Your brother Elros?"
"My twin. Yes, losing him had been...difficult. I loved him dearly."
"Celebrian?"
He nodded and gazed at Frodo's face and suddenly felt very odd. He had forgotten how beautiful this little hobbit was, how striking his blue eyes were and how soft and pale his skin was.
"I have loved many, but it was good. They were worthy of my love and I am grateful for their love."
Surprised by this, Frodo shook his head. "I would have thought..."
"What?" Elrond asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Well, ...I would have thought...you...you would have wished...that you had never met or loved them."
"Ah, so that I wouldn't have been hurt?" Elrond nodded slowly and thoughtfully.
"There were times, I did. But time does heal all wounds. You never forget them of course, and I never will. But not all pain is bad, Frodo. Not even when love hurts us. Soon, I shall sail and though I will never see my children again, I will be reunited with my wife. I have missed her greatly and will be happy to be with her once more."
"I am sure she has missed you as well."
Elrond nodded. "Ah, I hope so. But then on the other hand, I hope she found love again since she sailed, to occupy her time and our separation."
Confused, Frodo looked at Elrond, waiting for an explanation.
"When she was wounded and we decided it was best for her to sail, we knew that we would be parted for a long time. Elves are immortal, Frodo, and we have such great passion for life and love. I bade her if she found healing in Valinor that she would love again at her own choosing. She wished me the same."
"But, but you're still...."
"Of course, we will always be together but love, pure love, Frodo, is not truly understood by humans or even by hobbits. You feel the need that you must love and be devoted to only one person. If you are not, then it is wrong somehow. You are mortal and your time is limited. But to us, Love is an endless energy and in its purist form, it has no boundaries and no limits. As one loves the tress and mushrooms...we elves find love in each other. It does not mean we love our bonded mate any less -- only that we have plenty of love to give to others. Love is sharing, love is enduring, love is...Forever."
Frodo looked away and let loose a breath.
"I never thought of it that way."
"Not many do. It is a concept that will never be completely accepted to Middle-Earth but that is the way it must be. Middle-Earth has grown beyond us, the elves, and it no longer needs our helping hand or our songs."
"That is why you are all leaving?"
"Once you hear the call of the sea, you can never go back."
"Bilbo said you invited him to come with you. He said he will go."
"He has been such a blessing. I am glad to have met him -- and you." Frodo looked away with hurt in his eyes. "Don't say that. Please."
"I was waiting for the right moment, I told Bilbo to give you some time before speaking of a certain... Frodo, the invitation is also open to you. You may come if you so wish."
Frodo closed his eyes feeling the tears coming to his eyes. "Me?"
"You have suffered greatly, all for the love you had for your kind and home. You sacrificed everything to save Middle-Earth from Sauron and because of this, you have hurts that will never mend. I saw it even when you laid in my arms a year ago, when you were stabbed by that foul Morgul blade. I saw your light and I saw the sea in your eyes. I knew then that you would survive the quest, but not completely. You know that."
"I feel it." Frodo whispered as the tears fell from his closed eyelids.
"You are a superb soul, Frodo. One of the purest and most beautiful creatures to have ever walked on Middle-Earth. I do not make this offer in jest. If you say so, a ship will sail you across the ocean and the skies and you will be healed in love."
Frodo began to shake and Elrond pulled the Hobbit into his arms. Kissing him gently on the forehead, he allowed the storm to carry out its force until finally Frodo was able to recover enough to open his eyes and meet his gaze.
"I am in love with Sam."
"I know, and Sam loves you."
"He loves Rosie Cotton. He will marry her and have lots of babies. He will make a wonderful father and..."
"Frodo...."
"If I could, I would share Sam with Rosie...I would if only I could have him...sometimes. But that is not fair to Rosie...Perhaps it would have been better, maybe it would be better...."
Frodo stopped speaking and pulled away as the tears in his eyes overcame him. He choked slightly and had to think hard to continue to breathe. Elrond looked deep into Frodo's eyes and gasped to see something dark within them.
"No Frodo. You must not do that!"
Frodo's eyes widened in shock and he pulled away from Elrond, his gaze darting to the garden, the trees the moon, anywhere but at those piercing, ancient eyes.
"Death is not the solution. Frodo Baggins!"
Fingers slipped under Frodo's chin and pulled him back to face Elrond.
"You are right, I do not belong here in Middle-Earth but neither do I belong in such a fair and good place as Valinor. I failed you, Lord. I claimed the Ring as my own. Why else do you think I lost my finger? Gollum bit it off and by chance or fate, he fell into the fire. It was he that saved all of Middle-Earth. I tried! I tried to do the right thing. But I was so tired. I was so afraid and everyone was gone and Sam was crying and...I knew we wouldn't make it back and I wanted to be the hero...I wanted to do the right thing...I didn't, I didn't!" Weeping bitterly, Frodo covered his face with his hands. Elrond once again pulled the Hobbit into his arms and forced Frodo's hands from his face. He put the small fingers to his lips and kissed the stump on his wounded hand.
"Fate chose you, and I allowed it. We thank you for saving us. Frodo, I know you feel ashamed that you weakened in the end. But you are a hero. You are not a failure. You bore a burden that no one will ever understand, a pain that no one will ever feel. They will never know the extent of your sufferings. But I do, all of the Elves do, and the Valar. No one, was beyond the influence of the Ring. Why else do you think I wanted it gone so quickly from Imladris. Why do you think I dared not look at it or touch it? Why else do you think Gandalf refused it. Yes, he told me. And Galadriel. Because we knew its evil would corrupt us, there was no one...NO one that could resist it. But you did, for more time then anyone else. You resisted its lure and its call. Remember your words, Frodo...Remember...at the Council Meeting. You promised only to take the ring to Mordor, to Mount Doom. You did not promise anything else. You did complete your mission. You got the ring to Mount Doom. Fate then stepped in and made certain that its evil was destroyed. Don't you see, Frodo...your quest was a success. You are a hero."
Frodo absorbed his words and after a long silence, he shrugged. "Never thought of that either...I guess...I just...wanted so much to...."
"To be able to cast it in where everyone else failed. I know. The choices we make, Frodo, can either break us or make us. We can learn from them and go on with our lives."
"I can't...I still feel it...I still crave it. I thought once it was destroyed, I could go back...but I can never go back. Ever."
"No, that is the way of life. It goes on, it carries on...even after we are gone. Someday we, the Elves, will be nothing but myths and legends and finally we will only be believed in fantasy stories. They will believe we never existed and they will forget about Hobbits and the One Ring. They will forget all those who came before and that is the way it must be." Frodo looked up at the ancient lord, and smiled sadly at him.
"How could they forget Elves and...Uncle Bilbo's book?"
"A silly fantasy....a story that they will believe was all in one person's imagination. But, some...a few perhaps, who learn the tale of the War of the Ring, will live through our stories and pain and they will take us to their hearts and we...you and the hobbits, dragons, dwarves, wizards, and elves will live once again. That will be enough."
"If I go...with you and Bilbo...Gandalf..." He paused and then shook his head.
"I overheard Aragorn and Gandalf talking about me while I was healing...they spoke about how I would never fully heal...and that...I wouldn't live very long. If I go...how...long?"
Elrond smiled and nodded. "If you remain, I see only a few short years to your life. Your light is already dimming. However, if you so choose to go into the West, well, it is called the Undying lands...you will be healed and whole...and live for as long as you desire. Some day, you will choose the final sleep and rest, but not for a long time. I see more then a thousand years in your eyes." Frodo looked down at his feet and sighed sadly. "Alone?"
"No...you will never be alone. You and Bilbo will be greatly loved in Valinor. Adored. I see many loving faces and encounters yet to come."
Elrond suddenly blushed and looked away blinking. "And a few encounters for myself."
Frodo turned to him questioningly. But Elrond only turned back to the moon and gazed lovingly at it. "Love is limitless and forever. I thank you, Elbereth!" Frodo only shook his head. "I can't...I can't. I don't think I want to live. Not for another year or a thousand years...not alone without...without him."
"Sam?"
Elrond shrugged and tenderly pulled the Hobbit's face towards his.
"I see in your eyes that your journey is not at an end. I see love in your future. Love beyond your acceptance at this time. You will not be alone. Although you and Sam's lives will separate for a time, they will be brought together again. Ah! Frodo...Sam, even though he carried the weight of the ring shorter then anyone...the way has been opened. He will not journey with you when you go into the West but he will follow. Then you will both be together once more and you will never again be parted."
"Do you? Do you really foresee that?"
Frodo begged, wanting to believe and not sure if he could.
"Love has no limits and no boundaries. The Valar feels your pain and they have grown fond of you...yes...they have grown to love you as much and as dearly as they love the stars and the moon....oh Frodo they have watched you from your very birth...I see great happiness for you...Trust me."
Frodo swallowed and brushed a tear from his eye. "I will try."
For a time, Frodo laid in Elrond's arms and allowed himself to be held and comforted. But finally, Frodo smiled. "Lord Elrond...?"
"Just Elrond, Frodo."
"Elrond...that song you were singing...it was beautiful -- will you sing it again...in the common tongue? I want to know what the words mean...for some reason, they called to me. Please?"
Smiling, Elrond bent low and kissed Frodo tenderly on his forehead. A moment passed and a content Frodo watched as Elrond pulled away and returned his gaze to the moon The Lord of Rivendell began to sing the ancient song once more but this time in the common tongue. Lost in the words, Frodo didn't realize that the light of the moon seemed to shine its warmth and hope upon them with blessings that came from the powers above.
The World Wanders With Me Tonight
Little steps I take with you
I follow your heart and I follow the moon
So hidden far away from me
The world wanders with us tonight
Ahhh if only far away from here existed
A place where to discover my heart
To know if it can love you or not
And it will wander and it will wander
This heart of mine along with you
And the earth will wander
My life will wander and yes yes one day it will understand
It's you who wanders with me tonight
It's you who wanders far from here
But yes I know that you are my moon
Something you show, something you don't
There are blue roads in the sky
There are eyes, and the sky is already there
Yes, I think this is the stars
Ahh, if I could stop like this
And it will wander, and it will wander
My heart far from you
And the earth will wander
My life will wander and one day yes, yes it will understand
Heart already far away
Yes you are the moon
If only I could discover it in the sky
And it will wander, and it will wander
Yes it will wander this heart of mine
And the earth will wander, my life will wander
And one day yes it will understand
And one day, yes, it will understand you
Frodo left Rivendell a few days later and made his return to the Shire. Sam did indeed marry Rosie Cotton, but Frodo was surprised when Rosie readily agreed to move in to Bag End and more so when Rosie herself willingly shared the hobbit gardener she loved with Frodo. For she believed that love, real love, was without limits and without boundaries. True Love is Forever.
Time passed and Frodo, for the most part, found solace and comfort in the arms of Samwise Gamgee, but it wasn't long before he felt the call of the sea. Frodo remembered the tears Samwise shed when he realized the one he loved was making one last journey. A journey that he himself could not make. He felt Frodo's kiss upon his forehead and a wave of sadness and grief that threatened to engulf him. But Gandalf had spoken softly to him that his own day would come and he would see Frodo again. This was not the end. It was only the beginning. His Uncle lay slumbering nearby and Gandalf had gone off with Galadriel to speak of accommodations for the two Hobbits. Alone, Frodo stood by the bow of the ship and watched as the shores of Middle-Earth vanished and with it, Samwise Gamgee. A gentle hand touched his shoulder and Frodo wiped his tears and gazed up into the eyes of Elrond.
"We will be together again and will never be separated?"
"I see six decades...Then he will hear the call and will come."
Frodo sniffled and leaned against the tall form. Elrond hugged the Hobbit tightly against him. "Love is endless, Love has no boundaries..." Elrond nodded.
"Love is forever."
Together they watched the water and slowly, they began to sing an ancient song. One sang in Elvish, while the other sang in the common tongue. Many of the travelers on board stopped what they were doing and listened and rejoiced. For it was time that wandering ended and they were returning home at last to those they loved. For love is without limits and without boundaries...and Love is forever.
And it will wander, and it will wander Yes it will wander this heart of mine And the earth will wander, my life will wander And one day yes it will understand And one day yes it will understand you
For the first time, since the loss of the One Ring, Frodo didn't feel cold, empty or alone. He realized finally that he was going to a place where he would be loved. He would never have to wander or be alone again.
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The World Wanders With Me Tonight by Summer by Summer
Story notes: Beta Read by Achila
I really love Josh Groban's music. Sometimes it feels so unworldly. Almost elvish, I know it's not but play along with me ok? If you've never heard this song, pick up his first release album (CD) and check it out, its the second song. I finally found English lyrics, and I decided to write a short story about it. It is really very dramatic and the words now that I understand them...What can I say. The world wanders with me tonight.
