Elrond sat on his bed, staring at the covers. Elros had passed a month ago and the pain was even stronger now. Ever since returning to Imladris, Elrond had locked himself in his rooms, only allowing Erestor in. He constantly thought of his past with his twin and what he had learned at his brother's deathbed. He didn't even notice when tears began to pour down his cheeks again. He was more than used to them now. He frowned as he remembered his brother's dying words.
Elrond rushed into the room and knelt by his twin. "Elros! I got here as fast as I could!" He grabbed the slightly wrinkled hand of his brother and held it gently.
"I'm glad you made it." A slight smile graced his tired features. He traced Elrond's cheek bones and jaw. "You still look so beautiful."
Elrond smiled at the compliment. "You don't look terrible either. Your hair actually looks nice with the white streaks." He fingered a pale lock, then hesitantly locked eyes with his brother. "There is something I've always needed to tell you and since this is my last chance, I-"
Elros cut him off. "No, let me speak first. I had held a great secret from you for a long time and before I die, I wish to unburden myself of it. The reason I chose Mortality." Elrond's eyes widened. "But you said you knew it was your destiny, to be a mortal and father a great line of kings." An unpleasant thought occurred to him. "Did you lie to me?"
"No! Well, it wasn't a complete lie. This was my destiny, but I did have another reason to choose as I did." He stopped and looked out the window.
"Tell me. Why did you choose Mortality? Why was that your Choice?"
Elros returned his gaze to his younger brother. "I would not have lasted more than a few years as an elf." Elrond raised his eyebrow in inquiry. "I would have faded gwenneth. I was in love and that elf did not love me back."
"Who did you love so deeply that the rejection would kill you? You still had me. You always had me. You know I would not have deserted you."
Elros chuckled bitterly then coughed violently. Elrond pushed back his hair and worry had creased his brow. "That is just it gwenneth, I would have lost you. And losing you would certainly kill me."
"I don't understand. There is no one you could love that would make me leave you. I love you. You are my twin."
Elros closed his eyes and a tear slipped down his face. "There is one."
"You, gwenneth. You." He opened his eyes to see his love.
Elrond's heart stopped. "What?" he whispered in disbelief.
"I am sorry meleth-nin. I really am." More tears came from Elros' eyes as he spoke. "I tried so hard to ignore my feelings. To make them go away, but they wouldn't. I know this shouldn't be your last memory of me, but I had to tell you. Im mela lin." Elros used his last strength to grab the back of his brother's neck and kiss him.
In that kiss, he poured all of his love that he had felt for all these centuries. He was startled when he felt the warmth of a love that did not come from him. Elrond was holding his head and kissing him back with all his passion. "Im mela lin Elros," he whispered against his twin's lips.
'He loves me,' Elros thought blissfully as he took his final breath. He died before he could regret his Choice.
Elrond felt his brother's body go limp in his arms and knew he had passed on. He sobbed and screamed as he held the empty body of his secret desire and love. He stayed that way until his nephew came into the room the next day.
Elrond buried his face in his hands. If only he had told his brother all those years ago maybe he would be holding him instead of mourning him. "I am such a coward," he whispered to the empty room. And he was paying for it now. He sobbed harder as he knew he would live with this regret for the rest of his life. He would have to live with the knowledge that he had damned both he and his brother to lives of pain and believing their love was not returned. He would not let himself fade. He deserved the punishment of living like this. He looked around his room and saw food sitting on a tray on a table. He dragged himself to the edge of the bed and slowly shuffled across the floor toward it.
When he reached it, he picked up a piece of cheese and took a bite. His eyes filled with tears again as he remembered this had been Elros' favorite. He swallowed and reached for a slice of an apple when he noticed a movement to his left. He turned and froze. It was Elros. He took a hesitant step in his direction when he realized it was his mirror. He stared longingly at his reflection then walked toward it. More tears ran down his face as he adoringly ran his fingers over his face in the mirror. "Elros," he whispered as he leaned forward and kissed his lips. When his lips encountered the cold glass, he recoiled as he was harshly brought back to reality. His brother was gone and it was all his fault. He would never kiss him again. He would never hold him again. But he would constantly see Elros' face and hear his voice for they were his own. He stared hard at his reflection, but he couldn't see himself. All he saw was his brother, the way he had been before his Choice.
Suddenly, Elrond screamed in horror and anger. He grabbed the food tray and threw it at his mirror. When the mirror shattered and the crystal pieces fell to the floor, so too did he. He looked down at the fragments and still saw his brother. He screamed again as he began to smash the large piece of glass with his hand. He stopped when he saw his brother's face covered in blood. His eyes widened as he leaned over it. "What have I done to you, my twin? My love? Don't cry. Everything will be alright. Let me just wipe this blood off your face." He picked up the biggest piece and began rubbing it against his sleeping robe. He didn't notice when it started cutting through his robe and into his chest. "Your face still has blood on it. I'll just have to wipe harder, won't I?" He was bringing the glass back to his chest when the doors to his room burst open. He turned his head to see Erestor's shocked expression.
"Elrond! What are you doing?" Erestor rushed to his Lord, but stopped cold when he heard the words he spoke.
"Erestor, please don't scream like that. Can't you see Elros is already upset as it is?" he motioned to the shard of mirror he held in his hand. "And I'm just wiping the blood and tears off his face. His beautiful face does not need to be sullied by such things." He brought the piece of glass to his lips and kissed it.
Erestor trembled as he watch Elrond kiss and lick the mirror. As more blood flowed down the mirror shard from the cut on Elrond's tongue, Erestor moved. He lunged forward, took the glass from Elrond and threw it down. He was not prepared for Elrond's reaction.
Elrond jumped onto the broken pieces, fingers clutching for that piece. Erestor grabbed his shoulders and wrapped his arms around him, holding him.
"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CANNOT TAKE HIM FROM ME!!!!! HE NEEDS ME!!!!!!!" Elrond screamed and twisted in Erestor's grasp, but he held him tight.
"Elrond, Elros is dead! DEAD! He died a month ago!" Elrond rolled in his arms and wailed harder.
"NO!!!! He would never leave me!" he shouted, trying to get back to the shards.
"He knows I need him! He wouldn't abandon me!!!!!" His struggles lessened and he whispered, "He would never do that to me. He knows I love him." Elrond buried his face in Erestor's neck and cried. "Why did he leave me? Why?" he sobbed.
Tears coursed down Erestor's cheeks as he rubbed his friend's back and tried to comfort him. "I don't know, Elrond. I don't know." He sat on the floor and rocked Elrond gently until Arien rose. But even then, his cries would not stop.
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Story notes: Warning: the mental institution type of insanity and self-mutilation
One of my friends wanted me to add more to it, but I kind of like where it is. If a few people want a sequel or such, please tell me and I'll try my best to do it. I do have an idea on how a sequel could work, but I haven't written it down.
Chapter end notes: Please, PLEASE tell me what you think. I was just reading Morgana's 'By Any Means Necessary' and I thought, 'How would Elrond take Elros' death if he had loved him back this whole time.' And that is where the whole idea for this came from. So feedback would be much, much appreciated.