I married for power. I never had much authority within my family and in fact nobody paid attention to me at all until Meriadoc the Magnificent came courting. It was a foregone conclusion that I should wed him when he asked; Merry was polite, courteous, and forgiving of our childhood rivalries -- he even laughed in retrospect of the numerous games I had won in our younger days. But now he was famous, and quite responsible, and I made him a good wife. Until the end of my days, I shall be grateful that my husband respected me and gave me the power I so desperately desired. Yet, the real blessing in my life appeared in the form of Diamond of Long Cleeve.
Of course she and I had always known each other; as members of an extended family, we often found ourselves at the same households, being alternately scolded and praised by the same aunts. The truth is, however, that we were never inclined towards each others' company. She preferred her flower garden and sewing circles, and I chose the fields and the Brandywine. Our marriages reflected these differences: Merry treated me as a partner, while Diamond was clearly Pippin's prize.
But I underestimated her. This fact was made painfully clear one beautiful midsummer evening as the sun sank into the west. I had been married for less than a year but I enjoyed my elevated social standing and popularity, and I liked how the local lasses gathered near me while we lazily chatted about out children (who darted around us) and our husbands (who had wandered down to the pub). After a while, I noticed Diamond's absence, and I recalled thinking she had been quiet at dinner. I should not be a good hostess if I ignored the possibility of a guest's discomfort, so I searched for her, and thus found her standing like a statue atop a nearby hill. I assumed at first that she merely desired a good view of the rich golden-red sunset, but as I came closer I realised she looked southeast.
"Diamond? The children want to put on a play for us. They've promised singing and sword-fighting. Will you come?"
"Soon," she replied.
"Are you well? Can I get you something to eat?"
"Singing and sword-fighting?" she echoed. "Do you know how to use a sword, Estella?"
"Well...a little. Merry showed me."
"He did?"
"Yes. He put the sword into my hands, and said that Outside, the lasses are expected to bear all burdens except defense, yet he saw a princess stand when soldiers fell -- and now he won't make the mistake of contradicting a female!"
Diamond smiled faintly.
"He...keeps her portrait in a locket."
She turned to me. "What? Her portrait? One of the Big Folk?"
"Yes." I wondered why I had said anything at all, but only a few days had passed since I discovered the locket, and a strange jealousy still played on my heartstrings. The woman had a fair face, too thin and cold to my eyes, yet Merry treasured her, and since I knew she could not fit into a hobbit hole, I endured her.
"I doubt you need to worry about her."
"I know." I tried to shrug it away. "'Tis a little hurt. You seem to keep a deeper pain, Mistress Took. What is it?"
"Over there," she said quietly, pointing at distant hills which slid steadily into twilight. "Far away is Gondor."
"Yes," I agreed, puzzled.
"I know there's an emptiness in my husband, a space I cannot fill, for he left part of his heart in Gondor...and I think he intends to retrieve it."
"What do you mean?" I asked. I automatically touched her elbow, because despite our differences I could not endure the pain in her voice.
"Perhaps I shall be dead before then."
"Don't talk like that, Diamond."
"And why not?" she countered. "What about Merry? Do you think that after all their adventures, they'll be content here forever?"
I stared at her. She looked away, back towards the darkening hills, and as much as I desired to face the sun, I too gazed in the direction of Gondor. I instantly remembered every time I saw Merry wistfully divining memories from dissapating pipesmoke; when I asked his thoughts, he always replied with a tale of great kings in great times -- but never did he say, "The Shire."
It was Diamond's turn to offer comfort. She slid her arm around my waist and said softly, "You should know this now rather than be surprised later. If you can get Merry to stay, then Pippin won't go, but we've both known them long enough to guess that Merry would follow Pippin all the way across Middle Earth."
Hot tears blinded me. Diamond immediately embraced me and trailed little kisses across my face.
"Don't cry, don't cry. Hear me out, Estella." She led me down the hillside, so we remained in the sunlight, and we sat in the tall grass. She whispered in the rapid manner of a co-conspirator: "Perhaps we shall not live to endure it, and instead pass many years in marriage, but if not--" she grabbed my hand "--we still have each other. No one else will ever understand. But for as long as I live, I shall be Mistress of Great Smials, and you will rule Brandy Hall -- and isn't that what we've always wanted?"
I nodded.
"Nobody can take that away from us. Nobody."
"You're right," I realised. I felt peace wash over me. My insecurities floated away like autumn leaves on the Brandywine -- the woman, the adventures, the undying devotion between our husbands -- all of that swirled and drowned until only Diamond remained, rooted and defiant.
I implusively kissed her. Her arms tightened around me, unwilling to break our new promise, until our fingers tangled in each others' hair and we had to withdraw long enough to breathe. She laughed. I smiled and put my head on her shoulder, and together we watched the sun melt into pools of crimson and gold.
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Sunset by Miss Kitty
Story notes: This was written for the femslash challenge at the Library of Moria.
