An Interview with Legolas
Interviewer: What is your relationship with Gimli?
Legolas: Ummm, basically I don't really like him; we became friends after Gandalf kinda died, you know the whole Moira thing, because Gandalf wanted us to be friends. Stupid Gandalf. We called a truce but Gimli, damn him, forced it deeper.
Interviewer: What about Aragorn?
Legolas: We're really close. I secretly love him. Don't let Tolkien fool you! He's really cool. But he keeps wanting to kill Gimli and Boromir after they tried to rape me. He has been comforting me ever since then. He's been forced to marry Arwen because Elrond can't deal with her anymore. Who can?
Interviewer: What did you hate most about the quest?
Legolas: Boromir and Gimli trying to rape me. Bastards... Fuck 'em.
Interviewer: What you like most about the Quest?
Legolas: Boromir dying.
Interviewer: Does it feel being the Prince of Mirkwood?
Legolas: Stressful. I have so many duties it ain't funny! But Dad makes it fun sometimes. Like the other day he put an invisible whoopee cushion on Elrond's seat. Well, Elrond sat on it and it exploded, everyone started laughing, that is except Elrond.
Interviewer: Describe your perfect date.
Legolas: Not stuck up or vain. Sweet, caring. Not like Arwen. I know things about her that would make Sauron scream in horror and make anyone's skin crawl.
Interviewer: Worst date?
Legolas: Stuck up, self-absorbed, vain. Like Arwen.
Interviewer: What do you think of the Legolas/ original character stories?
Legolas: They're crap! As if I would fall in love with that many Mortals.
Interviewer: What about the Aragorn/Legolas slash stories?
Legolas: They're excellent! The only thing I don't like about 'em is that they're fiction. Not true, damn it.
Interviewer: Quick questions.
Interviewer: Favourite meal.
Legolas: BBQ meatlovers pizza
Interviewer: Favourite dessert?
Legolas: ice cream and caramel flavoring
Interviewer: Breakfast?
Legolas: pancakes. Aragorn put me onto them.
Interviewer: Drink?
Legolas: Coke
Interviewer: Least- favourite Fellowship member?
Legolas: Gimli and Boromir
Interviewer: Most favourite?
Legolas: Aragorn
Interviewer: favourite place?
Legolas Mirkwood
Interviewer: One word to describe yourself?
Legolas: Watchful
Interviewer: Favourite King not in Fellowship?
Legolas: Dad or Èomer
Interviewer: Most annoying person?
Legolas: Èowyn. It's so obvious she has a huge crush on Aragorn.
Interviewer: Ambition in life?
Legolas: Get it on with Aragorn and kill Gimli.
An Interview with Aragorn
Interviewer: What did you hate most about the quest?
Aragorn: Having Boromir and Gimli with us. They are such freaks. I mean, did Boromir actually think he was gonna rule Gondor? I mean, I'm the rightful heir. And, yeah, they both tried to rape Legolas, idiots. Èowyn kept hitting on me, slut. Marrying Arwen and kissing her. And how many times I came close to losing Legolas and it.
Interviewer: The Ring?
Aragorn: No way! My sanity! Frodo falls over so many damn time and drops the frickin' Ring more and gets tempted by it! Seriously, that kid needs a kick up the ass. But Gandalf made me promise to be nice to Frodo.
Interviewer: What's your relationship with Legolas?
Aragorn: He's really cool and beautiful. Way better then Arwen.
Interviewer: Who would rather die, Arwen or Legolas?
Aragorn: Arwen
Interviewer: Perfect date?
Aragorn: Sweet, beautiful, cool, caring, not vain or stuck up.
Interviewer: Finish these: Interviewer: I secretly love...
Aragorn: Legolas
Interviewer: You realize that's gonna be published?
Aragorn: No duh! I tired of saying I love Arwen and all that shit! It's time to come clean, Elrond forced me to marry her cauz he couldn't deal with her, and I love Legolas.
Interviewer: What does it being King?
Aragorn: Cool. It'd be cooler if Legolas was by my side instead of Arwen.
Interviewer: Worst date?
Aragorn: Someone like Arwen and Èowyn.
Interviewer: What happened to the Sword that was Broken? You know Narsil?
Aragorn: Elrond stole it! I want it back!
Interviewer: Who are you secretly jealous of?
Aragorn: Anyone who hasn't met Arwen
Interviewer: Quick questions.
Interviewer: Favourite pizza?
Aragorn: BBQ meatlovers
Interviewer: Favourite drink?
Aragorn: Coke
Interviewer: Favourite breakfast?
Aragorn: Pancakes
Interviewer: Least-favourite Fellowship members?
Aragorn: Boromir and Gimli
Interviewer: Most favourite person to be with?
Aragorn: Legolas
Interviewer: Favourite place?
Aragorn: Anywhere with Legolas
Interviewer: Most annoying person?
Aragorn: Lilia [Legolas' mother], Èowyn, Arwen, Elrond, Gimli and Boromir.
Interviewer: Ambition in life?
Aragorn: Get it on with Legolas!
Interviewer: I have to...
Aragorn: Divorce Arwen and marry Legolas. Is that allowed? Oh, well I'm King; I just make it so I can marry Legolas.
Interviewer: Coolest person not in Fellowship?
Aragorn: Èomer or Thranduil
An Interview with Boromir
Boromir: Where's Legolas?
Interviewer: With Aragorn.
Boromir: What?!
Interviewer: You promised that you wouldn't do that.
Boromir: Okay, okay. I'm cool.
Interviewer: What's your relationship with Aragorn?
Boromir: Umm, he's cool. But too uptight. Stopped me from havin' sex with Legolas.
Interviewer: What's your favourite moment from the Quest?
Boromir: When Legolas grabbed me, to stop me from falling into Moira.
Interviewer: What did you hate most about the Quest?
Boromir: Aragorn stopping me from having sex with Legolas and dying.
Interviewer: Describe your perfect date.
Boromir: Hot, beautiful.
Interviewer: Worst date.
Boromir: Boring, ugly.
Interviewer: Would you rather Legolas was slain instead of you?
Boromir: No.
Interviewer: Finish these; I am, you are:
Boromir: Legolas obsessed
Interviewer: If I could kill one thing, I'd kill:
Boromir: That Uruk-Hai that killed me.
Interviewer: True or False: Aragorn slew most of the Uruk-Hai.
Boromir: False! I did!
Interviewer: Gimli tried to rape Legolas.
Boromir: True, that sick, sick, sick Dwarf.
Interviewer: You stopped him. Boromir: True.
Interviewer: Then you tried to rape him.
Boromir: True, but I prefer the word sex, rather than rape.
Interviewer: Quick questions.
Interviewer: Favourite colour?
Boromir: Gold, like Legolas' hair.
Interviewer: Favourite king?
Boromir: Theoden was nice.
Interviewer: Favourite Prince?
Boromir: Legolas.
Interviewer: Most annoying person?
Boromir: Gimli, Arwen, Elrond, Gandalf, Galabriel,
Celeborn, Faramir, and Èowyn.
Interviewer: Favourite place?
Boromir: Minas Tirith
Interviewer: Favourite meal?
Boromir: Hamburgers with the lot.
Interviewer: Favourite drink?
Boromir: Beer!
Interviewer: Secret ambition?
Boromir: Claim Legolas and the Ring!
(At that moment the door opens and Legolas and Aragorn topple in. Legolas is pinned under Aragorn)
Aragorn: I love you.
Legolas: What?
Aragorn: I said, I love you.
Legolas: I know what you said. I was just... shocked.
Interviewer: Don't people normally say 'I love you, too'?
Boromir: Yeah.
Legolas (screams when he realizes its Boromir): Can we go? Please?
Aragorn: Yeah. I still want an answer, though.
Legolas: I love you, too.
Boromir: Can I kill Aragorn now?
Interviewer: No, we need him for reviews.
(Aragorn and Legolas leave)
(In a few minutes, Aragorn and Legolas are heard screaming in ecstasy)
An Interview with Gimli
Interviewer: True or False: You tried to rape Legolas
Gimli: True
Interviewer: Aragorn stopped you.
Gimli: False, Boromir stopped me, then tried to rape the Elf. Then Aragorn stopped him
Interviewer: Legolas killed Boromir.
Gimli: False. Those things that are like Orcs, but stronger.
Interviewer: Legolas offered you a truce after the fall of Gandalf.
Gimli: True, but I wanted more.
Interviewer: Describe your perfect date.
Gimli: Legolas, yummy.
Interviewer (unable to contain her disgust any longer): You're a sick, sick Dwarf.
Gimli: And damn proud of it!
Interviewer: Worst date.
Gimli: Aragorn. Ick!
Interviewer: What did you hate most about the quest?
Gimli: Boromir stopping me from raping the Elf! If he hadn't I would've raped him before Aragorn showed up.
Interviewer: Who would you rather die, Legolas or yourself?
Gimli: Legolas cause then I could rape him
Interviewer (Loses her control and shrieks at Gimli): You are a fucking bastard!
Gimli: Hey, I just like the Elf
Interviewer: Okay, back to the interview. Who are you secretly jealous of?
Gimli: Legolas' mother. She saw him naked... but then again so did Boromir and Aragorn.
Interviewer: Finish these: I love...
Gimli: Legolas
Interviewer: I wish I were...
Gimli: a mole. They live underground! Interviewer: I will...
Gimli: follow Legolas everywhere.
Interviewer: Quick questions.
Interviewer: Favourite meal?
Gimli: bacon and eggs
Interviewer: Drink?
Gimli: beer
Interviewer: Breakfast?
Gimli: Sausages, bacon, cheese, eggs, toast, baked beans
Interviewer: Least-favourite- Fellowship- member?
Gimli: Aragorn and Boromir. They stole Legolas from me.
Interviewer: Most annoying person?
Gimli: Aragorn, Boromir, Thranduil, Lilia, Arwen and Elrond.
Interviewer: I have to stop...
Gimli: raving on about Legolas and rape him
Interviewer: Website recommendation:
Gimli: any with Gimli/Legolas slash stories.
(Gimli leaves)
Interviewer: Thank God that's over.
An Interview with Frodo
Interviewer: How do you feel about Gollum?
Frodo: Gollum? He's a nasty piece of shit! He tried to kill my Sam!
Interviewer: What's your relationship with Sam?
Frodo (possessively): MY SAM!! Not yours! He's my beloved. It's so BLOODY HARD to describe our relationship. We're in love; it's so much more than just friendship.
Interviewer: What's the real story when Boromir tried to steal the Ring?
Frodo: I saw him try to rape Legolas, luckily Strider stopped him. I confronted him and he tried to steal the Ring, saying it only use it to help his people and claim Legolas. I said no, and he attacked me! Bastard!
Interviewer: What did you hate most about the Quest?
Frodo: Having my finger cut off. I was worried that Sam wouldn't be turned on by me, but it just turned him more on. And of course, falling over so many fucking times. I think Strider was gonna kill me.
Interviewer: What did you like most about the Quest?
Frodo: Being with Sam and the Elves!
Interviewer: What would you do differently, if you had a second chance at the Quest?
Frodo: Reject Boromir being it the Fellowship, we don't go to Moira and tell Aragorn not to marry Arwen.
Interviewer: If you could give some the gift of Immortality, whom would you give it to?
Frodo: Sam, Merry, Pippin, Gandalf, Bilbo, Aragorn, Legolas, Celeborn, Glorfindel and Galabriel.
Interviewer: Who would you have die?
Frodo: Boromir, Gollum, Gimli and Arwen.
Interviewer: Why did you say that you would go to Mordor, alone, then take Sam with you?
Frodo: Men don't believe in males loving males, so I had to hide our relationship from Strider.
Interviewer: What happened to Glorfindel?
Frodo: Arwen killed him! Bitch!
Interviewer: What is your ambition in life?
Frodo: To forget about Arwen, Boromir and Gimli.
Interviewer: Quick questions
Interviewer: Favourite meal.
Frodo: Elevenses
Interviewer: Favourite food?
Frodo: Mushrooms!
Interviewer: Favourite Elf?
Frodo: Elrond. He saved my ass.
Interviewer: Man?
Frodo: Strider!
Interviewer: Favourite Hobbit that's not Sam.
Frodo: Merry.
Interviewer: Most annoying person?
Frodo: Boromir, Arwen, Gimli and Gollum.
Interviewer: Favourite drink?
Frodo: Wine
Interviewer: Favourite person that looks old?
Frodo: Gandalf and Bilbo
An Interview with Sam
Interviewer: What didn't you like the Quest?
Sam: Gollum fondling Mr Frodo!
Interviewer: What did you like most about the Quest?
Sam: Being with Mr Frodo and the Elves!
Interviewer: Did you spend much time with Legolas?
Sam: Yeah, before Gimli and Boromir tired to rape him.
Interviewer: What you do if you had a second chance to change things in the Quest, what would you change?
Sam: Umm. I hate questions like this! Gollum fondling Mr Frodo... Gimli and Boromir tryin' to rape Legolas. Can I call him Leggy?
Interviewer: No! That's for obsessed fans to do! Anyway, what was your favourite moment not-based-no-Frodo from the Quest?
Sam: Definitely before Moira. That was way fun! No worries like in 'The Lion King'
Interviewer: Who would you rather die, Sauron or Gollum?
Sam: Hard question. I think I'd rather them both to die... but if only one... then Sauron cause then Gollum wouldn't be any trouble.
Interviewer: If you could choose who could become Immortal, who would you choose?
Sam: Mr Frodo! Strider, Legolas, Elladan, Elrohir, Elrond, Gandalf, Èomer, Galadriel, Haldir, Glorfindel, Pippin, the Gaffer and Merry.
Interviewer: Who would you choose to die?
Sam: Ohh! Gollum, Arwen, Sauron, Saruman, Lotho, Balrogs, Lobelia, the Black Riders, all Orcs, Boromir, Gimli, all Uruk-Hai and all Cave Trolls.
Interviewer: You love everything and anything about Elves, what do you feel about Arwen?
Sam: Well, ah, I love everything and anything about Elves, except Arwen. She turned all warrior princess and a whorish since the movie came out.
Interviewer: Quick Questions:
Interviewer: favourite breakfast?
Sam: Second with bacon and eggs!
Interviewer: Favourite drink?
Sam: the Gaffer's best homemade ale!
Interviewer: Meal?
Sam: Why, Mr Frodo!
Interviewer: Ambition in life?
Sam: To marry Mr Frodo!
Interviewer: Favourite place?
Sam: Mr Frodo's bed.
Interviewer: Favourite dessert?
Sam: Mr Frodo with cream and strawberries.
Interviewer: Favourite person not Frodo in the Fellowship?
Sam: Legolas! Elves are cool!
Interviewer: Favourite king?
Sam: Strider!
Interviewer: Finish these:
Interviewer: I am strong, I am invincible I am...
Sam: a Hobbit!
Interviewer: If this isn't Legolas
Sam: then it's Haldir!
Interviewer: But if it isn't Haldir then
Sam: It's Glorfindel!
An Interview with Pippin
Interviewer: Hello, Pippin.
Pippin: My name is Tim!
Interviewer: Right. (Mutters disbelievingly) So, what was your favorite part of the Quest?
Pippin: Tim says that his favorite part was when Gandalf died.
Interviewer: Riiiiight. What exactly is your relationship with Merry?
Pippin: My Merry! My precioussss... (Hisses) Mine...mine for all eternity...
Interviewer: So it's true that you two are together?
Pippin: Yep, yep, yep!!!!!!!!! (Bursts out laughing)
Interviewer: So, how do you feel about Arwen?
Pippin: Arwen equals bitch. She tried to steal my Merry! (Looks around possessively) Mine!
Interviewer: Why did Glorfindel get kicked out of the movie?
Pippin: 'Cause Arwen flashed him. He saw her naked and fainted. And then Elrond healed him and he was little a (coughs) stiff after that.
Interviewer: Rightio. Who would you say was the best non-hobbit in the Fellowship? And why?
Pippin: Legolas! Err...why? Cause he's pretty and cool. He saved our asses!
Interviewer: Did you vomit when Saruman was killed by Wormtongue?
Pippin: Yep. It was SO GROSS. Everyone except Wormtongue threw up.
Interviewer: So, what did you call your pony? I mean, Sam had Bill and Frodo named his Strider.
Pippin: I called it Kisjdksnfifh de Soaajdk. And Merry named his Kidskdf.
Interviewer: So... (Ponders for a moment) Quick Questions.
Pippin: Yay!
Interviewer: Favorite food?
Pippin: Mushrooms
Interviewer: Favorite drink?
Pippin: Beer
Interviewer: Favorite Elf-not-in-Fellowship?
Pippin: umm... Hard one...Haldir
Interviewer: Favorite Man besides Aragorn and Boromir?
Pippin: Umm...Faramir.
Interviewer: favorite place?
Pippin: Crickhollow!
Interviewer: Favorite being to be with?
Pippin: Merry...duh.
Interviewer: Secret ambition in life?
Pippin: Dunno...maybe to say hi to Sauron?
Interviewer: Umm...thanks, Pippin
Pippin: My name is TIM!!
An Interview with Merry
Interviewer: What was your favorite part of the Quest and why?
Merry: Moira, but I don't know why. Maybe because I was with Pip.
Interviewer: What was your least favorite part, and why?
Merry: When Pip went off with Gandalf. I was so ALONE! (starts crying)
Interviewer: There, there... (Pats Merry's shoulder comfortingly) Is it true that Arwen tried to seduce you?
Merry: (grimaces) Yea. She started taking off her clothes, and I ran away, and she started following me. I freaked!
Interviewer: What was Pippin's reaction?
Merry: He tried to kill Arwen, but for some reason Èowyn stopped him.
Interviewer: What was/is your most serious injury?
Merry: When Pip and I tried to rob Lobelia Sackville-Baggins. I fell down the steps and then Lotho fell on top of me. He's fatter than Sam! I think I broke my leg as well.
Interviewer: When and where did you and Pippin first meet?
Merry: Well, we met in Farmer Maggot's crops when we were trying to get some lovely mushrooms! Yummy!
Interviewer: You seem to be quite pissed off at Pippin during points in the movie...
Merry: And if you believe that I was, Aragorn loves Arwen and there is a bridge in Moira I'd like to sell you.
Interviewer: Right. When did you and Pippin first become lovers?
Merry: The first time we met.
Interviewer: Did you and Pippin idolize Boromir in the Quest?
Merry: We did, until that fucking bastard raped Legolas, and then went psycho!
Interviewer: Umm...quick questions!
Merry: Yay!
Interviewer: Favorite meal?
Merry: Dinner
Interviewer: Favorite food?
Merry: Pippin
Interviewer: Favorite drink?
Merry: Pints.
Interviewer: Favorite non hobbit in the Fellowship?
Merry: Legolas or Strider.
Interviewer: Favorite place?
Merry: Crickhollow
Interviewer: Favorite King?
Merry: Strider or Theoden
Interviewer: Least favorite person?
Merry: Umm...Gollum.
Interviewer: Favorite Elf?
Merry: Glorfindel.
An Interview with Gandalf
Interviewer: Hello, can we call you Gandy?
Gandalf: No! It makes me sound like a piece of candy!
Interviewer: Ok, GANDALF, what was your favorite part of the quest?
Gandalf: Oh! It was a hot summer night in Lothlòrien when I saw Haldir and Celeborn at it while I was at it with Galadriel!
Interviewer: Aren't Galadriel and Celeborn married?
Gandalf: Yeah, but they don't hold true to it; they've been married since the First Age!
Interviewer: Well, what was your least favorite moment of the Quest?
Gandalf: Umm...dinner with the Balrog. His name was Charles! He was rude the entire time, and then refused to pay, even though he had um, invited, me!
Interviewer: Right... Why does everyone hate Arwen?
Gandalf: Besides she's a bitch? Well, she fucks EVERYONE, even Galadriel and Elrond.
Interviewer: Because everyone LOVES Legolas, when did you first meet him, and what were the circumstances?
Gandalf: Well, I met him at a council with his father; it was about the darkness that had overtaken most of Mirkwood.
Interviewer: When you said: "If you're referring to the incident with the dragon, I was barely involved. All I did was give your uncle a little nudge out of the door." What did you really mean?
Gandalf: Mean? Well, I meant that it wasn't my fault that Bilbo joined those 13 Dwarves.
Interviewer: Did you ever consider a fling with Pippin?
Gandalf: PIPPIN???? NO WAY IN MORDOR OR HELL!!!
Interviewer: Ok...what about Legolas?
Gandalf: Pegless Legolas? Well, before he and Aragorn hooked up, yes. He is quite pretty.
Interviewer: Pegless Legolas? What's that?
Gandalf: My nickname for Legolas when I'm pissed or high.
Interviewer: Ok, quick questions!
Interviewer: Favorite Hobbit?
Gandalf: Frodo or Bilbo.
Interviewer: Favorite Elf?
Gandalf: Thranduil.
Interviewer: Favorite meal?
Gandalf: I don't eat, I only smoke and drink.
Interviewer: Favorite drink?
Gandalf: Beer from the Prancing Pony.
Interviewer: Favorite Man?
Gandalf: Umm...Aragorn.
Interviewer: Favorite King?
Gandalf: Gil Galad.
Interviewer: Favorite place?
Gandalf: Valinor. I can't wait to go back.
Interviewer: Favorite Fellowship member?
Gandalf: Pegless Legolas.
An Interview with the Fellowship
Interviewer: Legolas and Aragorn, can you tell us when you're getting married?
Legolas: Well, umm, well, Aragorn hasn't exactly proposed. We've just been fucking.
Boromir: No duh! I've seen you.
Legolas (screams and jumps on Aragorn's lap): Make him go away, Aragorn!
Aragorn: Go away Boromir! DO WE HAVE TO KILL YOU AGAIN?????
Interviewer: Sit down Boromir. Legolas, relax. Are there any plans to stamp out Arwen?
Aragorn: Actually, yes. After the divorce goes through and Legolas and I get married. (Kisses Legolas' nose)
Interviewer: Pippin, will you help Aragorn kill Arwen?
Pippin: I suppose so, but I'd rather stay with Merry.
Interviewer: Gimli, Boromir, why did you try to rape Legolas?
Gimli: 'Cause he's so damn pretty and has a perfect ass.
Legolas: I didn't ask to be perfect! (Bursts into tears)
Interviewer: Gandalf, why was it so important that you had to fall into Moira with Charles [the Balrog]?
Gandalf: I dunno, it seemed like a good way to get away from Pippin.
Interviewer: What would all of you say was the worst moment of the Quest?
Pippin: Umm...
Legolas: Amon Hen, Moira or Aragorn's wedding. DAMN THAT FUCKING BITCH TO HELL!!!
Aragorn: Definitely marrying Arwen
Pippin & Merry: Yeah....
Frodo: I disagree, the worst part was Sauron.
Sam: Nah, Arwen's worse than Sauron.
Interviewer: Aragorn, why did you marry Arwen in the first place?
Aragorn: Well, Elrond said that if I ended marrying her and that killed (her choosing mortality) he would give me $9999999999999999999999.99 + $1 and the Elf of my dreams. So how could I refuse?
Interviewer: Gimli, why were you so upset when Balin died?
Gimli: We were fuck buddies.
Interviewer: Is that why you tried to rape Legolas?
Gimli: Besides the fact that he beautiful? Yes.
Interviewer: Pippin, is it true that all Tooks are dare devils?
Pippin: Yes, except when faced with Orcs, Wargs, Trolls, Uruk-Hai, Nazgûl, Sauron, Saruman, or anything bad.
Interviewer: Ok! Who wants to guess my real name?
Pippin: Vanessa?
Merry: Rosalina?
Sam: Frodo?
Frodo: Samantha?
Aragorn: Sarah?
Gandalf: Tara?
Gimli: The Interviewer?
Boromir: umm...Lisa?
Legolas: Ninniach?
Interviewer: Legolas is right! My name is Ninniach, so, Hobbits, Gimli and Boromir what does it mean?
Frodo: Knife thrower?
Sam: Pretty Elf Lady?
Gimli: The Interviewer?
Boromir: Lady with a perfect ass?
Merry: Lady who talks to people?
Pippin: Rainbow?
Interviewer: Surprisingly Pippin is right! What was the best part of the Quest?
Merry & Boromir: Moira!
Legolas, Aragorn & Gandalf: Lothlòrien!
Rest: Dunno.
Interviewer: Legolas? Aragorn? Do you have an announcement to make?
Legolas: Yes. (Holds Aragorn's hand) We're getting married on the 6th of October!
Aragorn: And Legolas is expecting!
(Fellowship except Gimli and Boromir cheer. Interviewer claps politely.)
Interviewer: So when is the baby due?
Aragorn: 31st October.
Legolas: Halloween, we know.
(Aragorn gives Legolas a mithril diamond ring)
Interviewer: Is anyone else getting married?
Gimli: God, I hope not.
Pippin: Nope, nope, nope.
Interviewer: Is there going to be a sequel?
Hobbits: Dunno
Gimli: NO!
Boromir: Probably not
Gandalf: By the power of Narya, I foresee that the Author is unsure.
Legolas: By the power of my eyes, I say that Gandalf is dumb.
Gandalf: Pegless Legolas!
Legolas: At least I don't smell!
Gandalf: Oh! Go do your hair!
Aragorn: Stop it! Damnit, Gandalf that's enough! You could make him go into a premature labor or suffer a miscarriage!
Interviewer: Thank you for your time!
(Choruses of no problem!)
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Interviews with the Fellowship by Legolas Sweetie
Story notes: Warning: Not for Boromir, Gimli and/or Arwen fans. Some Frodo bashing by Aragorn and mentions of attempted rape.
