They returned to the citadel amidst a great commotion. Even though the rain was still coming down, there were people everywhere. Beregond was directing the Guard in a search, and someone was blowing a horn in notes of alarm from the top of the White Tower; Frodo had heard it even on the lower level, but hadn't realized the alarm was over his disappearance. This was all very embarrassing.
When Beregond saw Frodo safely in the company of Gandalf and Merry, he looked very much relieved and shouted to call off the search. The horn blew an "all clear."
Frodo was taken back up to the royal chambers, where he offered the King and Queen his profuse and sincere apologies for causing so much trouble. The apology was readily accepted, although Aragorn gave a stern order that Frodo was never to frighten him by going off like that again. In spite of Frodo's explanation that he'd simply been overwhelmed by the sight of his home in the palantir, and was all right now, Aragorn insisted that he'd been working too hard. There'd be no investigations today.
After luncheon, Frodo went back to Gandalf's house and, as ordered, went to bed. He had just changed into his nightshirt and was lying down when Gandalf knocked on the door and came in.
Standing at the foot of the bed with his hands on his hips, the wizard said in non-nonsense tones, "Tell me the truth now that we are alone, Frodo: what did you see in the palantir that upset you so? This is more than homesickness over a glimpse of the Shire. It has shaken you to the core."
Frodo had no choice but to explain. Gandalf would have to know about him now, to understand why he'd been so upset. "It was Sam," he said. "I asked to see him, and I did. Gandalf... do you remember what I told you about Merry and Pippin--how Merry can only fall in love with other boys?"
"Yes, I remember."
Frodo plunged on bravely, "It isn't just Merry. I'm the same way myself. Sam and I-"
"My dear Frodo," Gandalf replied with a twinkle of understanding in his eye, "do you think I didn't see that? I knew how Sam loved you when I asked him to stay by you before I sent you from Bag End. I knew he would never leave your side if he could help it."
Frodo's mouth dropped open. "How could you know? I didn't know it myself then, not 'til much later, when we went into Mordor." He sat up, arms hugged around his knees. "Facing death has a way of clarifying your mind. It makes you see what was really most important in being alive."
"But Sam has married since," Gandalf observed.
"Yes, that's what I wanted for him," Frodo tried to explain this as well. "He loved Rose too, you see, and wanted to have children. I couldn't deny him that. I wanted him to go on with his own life rather than spend it all on taking care of me."
The wizard's brows rose. "Is that what you saw? Sam, with his wife and child."
Frodo nodded. "I thought I could let him go, until I saw him today. I saw his life, a good life, without me..." He flopped back to the bed. "It's far too late to regret my choice now."
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