I watch him. I've always watched him. There's something about him; there always has been. It's in the way he talks, the way he moves, the way he looks at me... it's everything about him.
I saw him for the first time not long after Lord Elrond had taken him in. He was a quiet boy who seemed to prefer solitude to people. Already then I felt there was something special about him. He always seemed strong, sure, yet alone and sad. He was complex, a paradox that didn't grow lesser as the years went by. He was two souls caught in one body and he began to realize that. It hurt me to watch his battle with himself and the world as he fought to fit in. I knew it was his battle to fight but I still wished I could help him.
After much sorrow and many years he finally accepted what he was; a man caught between two worlds. That alone makes him unique but not just that. It's his way of taking the best of both worlds and making it his own. It's the way he seems like the protector and in need of protection at the same time. There is just something about him.
I never said anything of my fascination for him. I waited for him to come of age. Now I realize I may have waited too long. I see the Evenstar around his neck and I know what it means; Arwen has bound herself to him. If him and I shall ever have a future it's now or never.
I've thought a lot about it. So many times have I started to say something to him but stopped at the last minute. I know of the strange taboos about two people of the same sex that humans have. I don't understand them but I fear maybe Aragorn has taken them in. If that's so, only he can break the bonds that tie him down; I can't do that for him. I can protect him, take care of him and love him but I can never free his mind and spirit for him. Only he can do that.
I don't expect anything from him; whatever he chooses to give me is a gift. To me he's not Estel, he's not Gondor's King, he's not a leader of man, he's not a protector... he's just Aragorn. Whatever he wants to be to me I accept as it is. I have wishes and desires; dreams I want to see come true but I have no expectations of him. He is who he is and that's all I need to know.
He's like steel; strong yet soft, firm but so easily broken. He's like the sword he fears to take up so much; whole and broken, all at the same time.
Whatever decision he reaches I'll respect. I only wish happiness for him and even if that means he will remain nothing more than a friend, then so be it. I just hope he lets his heart rule and not his mind, fears, and doubts.
A friend of mine whom I told about my love for Aragorn asked me what I see in him. Why him? He's a strange cross between two worlds, belonging to neither. He's not an Elf yet not entirely human either. He's a King yet has no Kingdom. He speaks the Elvish tongue but he won't live forever. He couldn't understand why I would want such a creature; me, a prince of Mirkwood who could have any man or woman I wanted. I smiled at him and simply replied:
He makes my heart glad.
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Like Steel by Nadja Lee
Story notes: 28/01/2002
English is not my native language. Please forgive me my mistakes.
Timeline: Set within the 'LOTR: Fellowship Of The Ring' movie.
Universe: Movie. ONLY movie!
Sequel/series: Comparison piece to Like Porcelain
Thanks to Sorcieré for the Beta!
For J. Marie with love
*********ask her if laur melyanna wrote like porcelain
