The Elvenking approached his youngest son as he stood by Sirgon's grave, the brethren, Elladan and Elrohir, on either side of him. The Woodland Realm's graveyard lay to the north, a fair distance away from the royal halls. It was a quiet, relatively open space where the trees were not so dense. This morning, sunlight managed to penetrate the leafy canopy overhead, dappling the grassy mounds below with golden light.
As soon as the twins espied him, they moved a slight distance away, intuitively knowing that Thranduil desired a moment alone with Legolas. The king stared down somberly at the freshly-filled grave. After a while, he looked at his son, his eyes somewhat anxious. Legolas returned his gaze and waited patiently for what he might have to say.
"'Tis not the best time to bring this up," Thranduil said at last. "But my heart is uneasy and I cannot put this off."
"What is it, Ada?"
"I saw you...saw what you did in Sirgon's last moments. I cannot deny that it made me uncomfortable. Legolas, did you...?" the king was forced to take a calming breath. "Why, my son? I knew of Sirgon's feelings for you but I did not think that you..."
"Ada." Legolas placed a reassuring hand on his father's arm. "I did it to ease his passing. I hurt him deeply not least because I thought his passion for me abhorrent. Had I known the truth of our nature, I would have been kinder and he might not have suffered as much as he did."
"You have learned about the ancient path."
"The gwenyn appraised me of it."
"And...?"
"You are worried that I am tempted to follow it because of what I did with Sirgon. But I assure you 'tis not the case." Legolas glanced at the twins, recalling their discussion. "Elladan mentioned that I could probably be made to tread it only if I met an ellon chosen by fate itself. Sirgon wasn't that ellon. I felt only pity and the pull of our old friendship, no more."
Thranduil heaved a sigh of obvious relief. "That is reassuring. I confess, though I know of the old ways, I am no longer at ease with them. Not after all these millennia."
"Then we are in accord, Ada. I am not at ease with them either."
The Elvenking finally relaxed. With a nod at the brethren and a last look at the grave, he strode away. The twins silently came back to Legolas' side. Elladan considered the prince thoughtfully.
"Forgive us but we could not help overhearing your conversation," he said. "You withheld something from your father, Legolas. What is it that still troubles you?"
Legolas hesitated then said: "Nay, I am not troubled but confused. What you told me about our nature... Why is it then that I could not respond to Sirgon's touch? If I carry the duality within me, why was I uncomfortable with his caresses? I had to stop myself from recoiling even unto his dying breath."
Elladan shook his head. "The duality of elven nature is a capability, not a compulsion," he explained. "Some Elves feel only the pull of their own kind, others only that of the opposite gender. And still more know both passions and must eventually choose one or the other if they wish to espouse themselves. Our own Daurin must one day decide whom he will bind to--Enedrion or Almariel. And Elrohir and I will have to make that choice as well having known the loving of male and female-kind. Is that not so, brother?"
Elrohir seemed to shake himself out of some deep contemplation for he blinked then looked at Elladan somewhat blankly.
"I am sorry. What did you say?"
Elladan peered at him curiously. "I was telling Legolas that our duality does not force us to accept both sides of our natures," he said.
"Aye, that is true," Elrohir agreed. "'Tis still our conscious will that dictates our choices though our hearts often guide us as well."
Legolas frowned then looked at Elladan. "But you said were I to meet the 'right' ellon, I would not be able to resist his pull," he reminded the older twin.
"And that scares you," Elladan remarked. "Legolas, you have been drawn to certain ellith for no discernable reason and found it next to impossible not to desire them. Yet that doesn't mean you bedded them all nor did you love any one of them. Physical desire is simply that. You may act on it or not and even when you do, it does not automatically lead to love itself. Admittedly, it can be agony to deny what one's body demands but it can be done. You still have a choice."
Legolas pondered Elladan's words then nodded. "I confess, your words alarmed me more than I cared to admit. I cannot... The thought of--of coupling with another male..." he shivered. "'Tis a strange and frightening notion to me. I wish it were not so. It shames me that I fear what is native to our kindred. It shames me that I could not help Sirgon in his need."
"Do not be shamed by this, Calenlass," Elrohir quietly said. "Your people abandoned the ancient path long ago. You knew nothing of it, much less experienced what it entails. No one can simply forget a lifetime's worth of traditions and beliefs. Not even you, Prince of Mirkwood."
Legolas had to smile. Elrohir had the most uncommon gift of oft knowing what to say to alleviate his fears or uncertainties.
"Thank you, meldir nîn," he said. He glanced down at Sirgon's grave once more, his heart still heavy with grief but no longer so burdened by guilt.
"May you find your peace, Sirgon," he softly intoned.
Flanked by Elladan and Elrohir, he turned away and walked back to his father's halls.
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Chapter end notes: Ada - Papa
ellon - male Elf
ellith - Elf-maidens
meldir nîn - my friend
