Never had I seen such an uproar! Everyone bustled hither and thither to see us off, all hoping for my approval for last-minute requests. I granted none of them; I had learned in my years of kingship that permission was generally asked when it should not be given. Those with legitimate business would care for it themselves.
I had not had the opportunity to speak to Elendil, nor would I have known what to say if I did. How could I apologize for an old love that still lingered in my heart? I had not even known- or rather, had not dared to admit- that it was so. Yet I could not forget Elrond, who until now had been my constant companion, every hour of every day of my life.
I had no time to reflect on this now, for the horses were saddled and bridled and we were leaving at last. The bustle ceased as soon as I was mounted, and within minutes silence reigned. Thus was the nature of my subjects; they expected grand speeches and dramatic farewells. Taste of simplicity, o my people! Thy Noldorin grandeur betrays thee; thou art no longer creatures of the woods and hills. Thou art dazzled by the light of thy own making. I will bestow no eloquence upon thee, for I possess none. I ride today only that I may not be parted from my heart, not for the glory of my people, not to mark the greatest moment of my reign. Thou art silent to listen to me; I am silent that thou might listen to thyselves. With such unspoken speech I was gone; my companions rode beside me.
"I would have speech with you." I sighed; it bode no good when Elendil spoke so formally.
"Let us then ride apart from the company awhile." I signaled to Iorerin; he nodded and let us draw aside unchecked and unseen. It was simple to be thus invisible, for the morning fog was rolling in from the sea, and we had slipped off the path into the forest. I could see no further than from tree to tree; the air hung close and heavy. All was still except for the plodding of our mounts' feet.
"My apologies-" I began finally, but finding I could say no more than that, subsided. Swiftly, I stole a glance at Elendil, who stared at his horse's mane. When he spoke, his voice was gruff.
"I too have loved before you, you may well know," he said. "I had in Númenor family, friends, my wife, my father. All are dead, or gone I know not where. I have grieved for them, dreamt of them, called to them whether sleeping or awake, as you have done for your love. Yet I know them to be gone, in the world of death and dreams and haunting shadows." Here he barely suppressed a shudder. "The living world, and all in it, are new to me. For you, it seems, there is no clear division between the present and the past. You are an elf; the time that I have been here is, perhaps, barely noticeable to you. It is as though he has merely stepped out of the room and I have stepped in."
"Mayhap elves have more of time, but that does not mean we disregard it," I snapped. "In the time between his departure and your arrival I lived in the infinity of pain. You think I know not how such loss feels, merely because I live through it longer? He is of a different life to me as well; our time apart has spanned ages in my mind."
"And now I am here time is fleeting and frittered away. It imports itself naught to you."
"You know not whereof you speak. Are you trying to pain me, simply because you yourself have been pained?"
"Well, is it not true, what I say?"
"Nay. It is far from the mark. With you, as with Elrond, my time is given meaning."
"Then evidently it is all the same meaning to you! You care not who you love as long as there is anyone willing to bed you! What do you care?"
"You know nothing of my love!" It was startling, how greatly my voice rang out.
"Indeed, for you keep such knowledge from me!"
"It is your own misunderstanding. You cannot know how I feel because your feelings have never been as mine are!"
"Then perhaps I should know, if-" Yet I hushed him. Something was wrong. We had unwittingly left our path, and though the mist had lifted it was dark and gloomy still. There were no trees about us, and the reason my voice had echoed- we were underground. The realization struck Elendil as soon as it did me. I fancy that in that instant a matching look of horror entered our faces as we stared in surprise, forgetting all that had just passed. He wheeled his horse about, searching for the point from which we had entered, but to no avail. There was no longer any path out, but solid rock wall behind us.
"How can this be?" he demanded, glaring at me as though 'twere my fault.
"These hills have many tricks. The slightest inattention is opportunity for mishap, as I should have remembered. I only hope Erin thinks to look for us." My voice was steady, to my happiness. Elendil still appeared disgruntled, but for the time being our predicament won out over the argument.
"A fine mess we've landed in. Be there Orcs here? Or worse?"
"Naught aligned with Sauron, I should think, yet dangers all the same. Assuredly, we will not be able to return the way we came. The best course, I think, is to strike out however we may, and emerge where we emerge."
"Then you abandon hope that Erin will search for us? Verily, how little trust you have."
"I doubt not that he will search for us. What I doubt is that he may find us. You may not understand this- your land, even in its decline, was a world of order reflecting that of Valinor. This is a world of chaos. In these matters, if in nothing else, I ask you to believe me."
He remained still for a moment, then gestured to me to lead the way. I hid a smile as I turned away in the darkness, taking us but farther into unknown peril. From then on we worked together in silence, helping each other up and down the rocks that broke up our path, or over slimy patches of moss. The argument we left neither forgotten nor abated, but put off.
I will speak only briefly of those hours of backbreaking labor. In the darkness we knew neither where we wandered nor what dangers lay ahead of us. Chasms or solid walls of rock; narrowing tunnels or vast expanses; underground rivers or the inner heat of the earth; it was all one. Not half an hour had passed but we were afoot; another half an hour and the horses took fright at I knew not what and were gone. If we ever escaped, we would have death at Ruiniel's hands to face. From climbing our hands were soon raw and bleeding. We shivered with cold and damp. A clammy sweat ran down our whole bodies. We collapsed at last on some mossy ledge and slept.
The next day- or rather, when we next awoke- it was much the same, until we came upon the first of the goblins. I say goblins because they were lesser in size and in intelligence, if that be possible, than the Orcs of lands to the South and East, and because likely they had no alliance or loyalty to Sauron. Nevertheless, they were vicious and strong, and we could not long hold them off. By the time we escaped them we were rapidly losing blood. We only managed rough bindings on our wounds, and after that we were often followed by some mysterious animals of which we never heard nor saw more than their eyes in the dark. But none of the beings we encountered gave us any reason to believe there was a purpose in our presence here. The trickery of the hills was older than the beasts that lived in them, and had entrapped us for some ineffable whim.
And yet, for my part, I saw a purpose in our sojourn underground. Though Elendil and I never spoke, we gained some understanding of each other far deeper than what we had had before. The argument, as I have said, was not forgotten, and I knew that sooner or later the storm must break. Yet even the worst of storms must abate; was it not even so with the storm of Iluvatar's wrath that had brought Elendil to me? He was still furious, I knew, and yet I was entirely calm.
On the fifth day, our path began to turn upwards. The climbing was difficult, especially as the rocks were slippery with moisture and heat. We soon found why, as the somber silence, except for our ragged breathing and the fall of rocks in the dark, was slowly replaced by the sound of dripping water and then by the burbling of a stream. When the path flattened, it led into a passage with a river flowing along the bottom. I discovered this by stepping into the water, which proved to be uncommonly warm. That was odd indeed; the underground rivers I knew were always formed from snowmelt. We trudged onward, filling our boots with water and our hearts with hope, for a river was likely indeed to prove a pathway into the open.
The further upwards we traveled, the warmer the water grew, until it was near boiling. Behind me I heard Elendil curse. Just as I wondered how much longer we would have to endure this, the passage grew into a great cavern, the river widened into a lake, and directly in front of us a great waterfall thundered. Elendil scrambled to the shore immediately, but I stood transfixed. I could no longer feel the heat of the water, though it was now up to my knees. I could only gape. The most amazing sight was forming in front of me, seemingly a great face and then a body appearing in the waterfall.
His skin was deep blue and green. Barnacles clung to his beard and shells were braided into his hair. He was clothed only in seaweed; a string of conches was slung over his shoulder. A dolphin swam at his right hand and a sea-turtle at his left. It was Ulmo, lord of waves, as I had always pictured him in my mind. I knew instinctively that Elendil could not see him. This, then- this was why we had been led here. There was a purpose indeed to this trick of the hills. And now I could see on the walls of the cavern, which seemed to be lightening every minute, a multitude of symbols and runes portraying what this place as what it was, a sacred site. A site dedicated to Ulmo, who stood now before me.
"Gil-galad." His voice was as the crashing of waves.
"Yea," I replied weakly. His eyes, storm-black, were glaring into mine with the solemnity of the deeps.
"I bring thee a message from Mandos, keeper of fates." The fear in me grew even more terrible than before. It was all I could do to keep my head up, facing those awesome eyes.
"I beg thee speak it." I swallowed, my throat ominously dry.
"Listen well. Thou hast by birth and choice gained thyself a powerful wyrd. If thou choosest to follow it, thou shalt surely die."
"A mortal death, for choosing to love a mortal." It was not unexpected; I had pondered the possibility before. Yet his next words were not as I had expected.
"Nay- a death stranger yet. A death never before died by man or elf." He paused, considering how to speak. "Thou wilt become, not a being, but a force. A force of light, to counter the force of darkness. A fundamental defense of the universe. A warrior for the Valar. And yet, to do this, thou must cease to exist. Time will not move for thee, nor will space have meaning. Thou wilt not be."
"I do not understand, neither what this wyrd means nor why it should be mine."
"Nor I. Here I speak for Mandos, not myself. Although, on my behalf, I would advise thee not to partake of any shellfish for a time. There is an illness amongst them." With that the Vala was gone. I yelped in surprise as I felt myself again standing in boiling water, and dashed to the shore.
After that it was a mere stroll along a gentle path for perhaps an hour, and then we emerged at last into the sunlight. When my eyes had recovered, I found our location familiar. A brief walk uphill showed us to be not a mile from Imladris.
"A bit of luck at last," Elendil remarked. I did not reply; the entire episode had been beyond the realm of luck. Yet I smiled, and we near ran as we approached Rivendell, exhausted though we were.
The first person we happened upon was Ruiniel, who showed no concern for us at all. "I thought you'd be back," she said. "Your horses made it, and you can thank the Valar for that, for you'd wish you'd stayed lost otherwise." Erin gave us a much warmer reception, hugging me fiercely. "I thought you had died," he whispered. How could I answer that? Certainly I would not tell him of the wyrd that I would die indeed. I simply clung to my dearest of friends.
Grateful as I was to see Erin and even Ruiniel, I was not prepared to meet with Elrond and Celebrian. I remained out in the courtyard with Elendil and Erin as long as possible, but when the Mariner's Star appeared, we could no longer postpone meeting our hosts.
We walked up a winding staircase into a light-filled hall. Elrond was there to greet us instantly, insufferably gracious as he clasped each of our hands in turn. I do him wrong to say "insufferably", for that was merely my jealous perception, but, oh, how it stung! And his lady Celebrian was fair beyond even what I had remembered. She looked like a star fallen to earth.
How my heart ached, amongst that laughing company! How I lamented that, having lost one love, I might lose another! Both of them were chatting amiably to each other, as I had not even dared to hope, but as for myself, I could speak to neither. As the night wore on I grew ever more flushed with fear and wine. The rest of the company turned in time to poetry and song; I sat secluded at a window, despising myself, so unfit to be king or friend or so well cared for. A breeze fluttered through the window, smelling of pine resin rather than the sea-salt I knew at home.
After a time I decided simply to leave the hall and wander Imladris as I chose. It proved lovely indeed. Elrond had directed streams and waterfalls through the vale to great effect. A ways from the buildings I found a small pool, set in a grove. Covered in sweat, dirt, and blood as I was, I decided to bathe.
The water was cold, but bearable. Layers of dirt caked onto my skin peeled off and washed away down the stream. The dried blood on my arms and face came away more slowly.
"Had you done that before the feast, you might not have horrified my lady so much." Elrond was leaning against a pine, smiling gently. I turned away; my heart was pounding.
"My apologies. I had no intent to horrify." My own voice was surprisingly sharp.
"When last I saw you, you knew a joke when you heard it."
"When last you saw me, many things were different. My life continues though you are absent, and time presses on."
"You speak but to pain me." It was true; I had no intent of making pleasant conversation. Elrond sat at the edge of the pool and leaned down beside me. "I have missed you."
"Do not tell me whether you have or no. It aids me none."
"I must speak the truth."
"Nor do I ask you to lie. I simply ask that you remain silent." I did not wish to hear from him the same words I secretly desired to say.
"Gil-galad-" he began, then broke off. "Come to my bed tonight. Celebrian will be in her own chambers across the courtyard. She is with child."
"My congratulations."
"Come with me." He brushed my bare shoulder with his hand. I shivered at the touch.
"I cannot."
"Why not? You know well how I love-"
"Do not say that!" I snapped. "I have loved you just as well, when it was time. But now you have a wife, and I have a new and separate destiny. I have tried with all my will to forget you, so that I can live my new life and love my new love."
"It is true, then? You have come to love the mortal?"
"Yea. Verily." I stared into his eyes, defying any objections. Never had I been so bold with him before.
"Love him as you may, then. But do not forsake me, Gil-galad."
"Forsake you?" I exploded. "When you have forsaken me for marriage and respectability? You desire me only because your lady is unable to come to your bed. You-" I stopped short, remembering how similarly Elendil had accused me five days back. "I should not have spoken thus. I apologize."
"Will you come with me, then?" I hesitated. Well I knew that I should not. But wine and exhaustion had made my will weak and my body desirous, and at last I nodded my assent.
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