"Leave the dead," Théoden had said. No words of comfort to offer. Simply leave those that have fallen. He does not know that I simply cannot do as he asks.

Aragorn...

You were the best of us, a man that any of us would have given his life for. And I...

Elbereth, what a fool I am. I never told you what you meant to me. I never would have admitted it if I had the chance, I think. Whenever I protected you, when I had tried to defend you, when I vowed to follow where you led, I do so out of love for you. You saw it as the actions of a friend. You never knew the truth.

I saved the Evenstar for you. I know what it means to you. I know what it means for me, too. It means loss of hope. Even if I admitted how I felt to you we could do nothing. You would be betraying Arwen...yet another one who loves you. The Evenstar symbolizes her claim on your heart. You love her, do you not? Of course you do. What a question I ask...

I know the truth. It is unrealistic to think that you could ever feel for me the way I feel for you. You don't know I feel this way. How could you? But knowing that you had met your end made me feel as if someone had torn out my heart and thrown it after you into the river below. It is so easy to confess it while you are not here. So easy. So simple.

I loved you from the first moment I met you, Aragorn. Do you remember that day as I do? I was visiting Imladris as a diplomatic envoy. You had just come of age in the world of Men, an event that Elrond had decided to acknowledge. Lord Elrond was engaged in a meeting; Arwen was off somewhere; Elladan and Elrohir were off scouting and weren't due back for some time. You were the one Lord Elrond had sent to greet me. Your hair was the same as always, except finer...less dirty. Your outfit was of elven make, light green velvet, I believe. You were clean-shaven then. And you looked at me with such joy in your eyes because you had just become an adult in the eyes of Men. Estel was the name you used then. It was the name Lord Elrond had given you.

Do you remember?

We celebrated that night under Lord Elrond's command. Arwen had been left in charge of the seating arrangements. I do not believe she loved you then; else she would have placed you closer to her. Instead, she had arranged the seating so I was sitting next to you. I believe one of the twins put her up to it. Because of how close we were, you engaged me in conversation. I fell in love with your intelligence that night. You spoke with such wisdom, carefully thinking things through and presenting probable solutions to problems that I had not even been aware you knew of.

I spent a week in Imladris with you. Whenever I was not in the council, I spent time with you. I learned much about you in that time. I became close to you as a friend would. We learned to trust each other. I helped to improve your skill with a bow and you in turn had helped my swordplay. It was not until I had returned home to Mirkwood and spent only an hour there without your company that I realized I missed you.

It was longing that I felt. It was not the longing you feel after being separated from a friend for so long. It was the longing that comes after being separated from a loved one or a lover. I should have forgotten about you. But I could not bring myself to do so.

While home, I began to wonder what it would feel like to kiss you. I still wonder... In my dreams, I often accomplished this feat. You would take me in your arms, drawing me close so that I could hear your heart beating. I would rest my head against your shoulder for a moment before you took one of your hands to gently tap my head off the strong shoulder. You would tilt my chin upwards so I was looking you in the eye. Nothing would be said. All would be said in your eyes...your strong gaze that held me captivated. Then our lips would meet, hesitant at first, but then with growing conviction. But it is a dream, Aragorn...a dream that shall never come to pass now.

It is...strange, Aragorn. I turn to speak to you and you are not there. I look at Lady …owyn, expecting you to stand by her side, and I find you not there. I pass by Théoden discussing arrangements for the protection of Helms Deep and I expect to hear your voice. Yet you aren't there. I have never missed anyone more than I miss you.

Ai, Aragorn... aníron...I desire...

I desire your arms around me...your lips pressing to mine. I miss the smell of your clothes when you come in from the rain...the way your face lights up when you have a plan to pull us through tough times...the way you smile when excited like the boy I met so long ago. I miss the way your voice used to bring the council to attention instantly. We were all ready to listen you.

I can hold the image of you in my mind for years...eternity if need be. But nothing can ever change the fact that you are gone... I desire your love so much... and yet...

And yet you will never know how I feel about you. You're gone now, Aragorn, and I... I still desire your love. Now...now I must release any hopes of telling you so. I thought I had more time to tell you.

It seems I was wrong, my friend.