Lost in the Translation by Tyellas
Summary: This little fic attempts to answer the question: why isn't there any sex in LOTR? Based on Tolkien's idea that LOTR is based on Bilbo and Frodo's Red Books of lore and history, here's one possible answer.now if we could only get our hands on the Blue Book.
Categories: FPS Characters: Bilbo, Frodo
Type: Humor
Warning: None
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 756 Read: 1115 Published: May 28, 2010 Updated: May 28, 2010
Story Notes:
This is about sex in Middle Earth in general, not sex between Bilbo and Frodo. And look out for the footnotes!

1. Chapter 1 by Tyellas

Chapter 1 by Tyellas
End Notes:
1. "Princess Mee" is a slightly obscure Tolkien poem about an elf-princess who dances, night after night, with her reflection in a clear pool.
2. "Then he gave Frodo his mithril-coat and Sting, forgetting that he had already done so: and he gave him also three books of lore that he had made at various times, written in his spidery hand, and labelled on their red backs: Translations from the Elvish, by B.B." Return of the King, Book VI, Chapter 6, Many Partings.
3. "Legolas was away much among the Galadhrim, and after the first night he did not sleep with the other companions..." Fellowship of the Ring, Book II, Chapter 7, The Mirror of Galadriel.
4. In the essay "Laws and Customs of the Eldar," published in the book Morgoth's Ring: The Later Silmarillion, Part One, Tolkien actually DOES go into elves' sex lives, as far as a discreet essay about general elf lifestyles can. The results, of course, are disappointing for the modern reader, but what is unsaid leaves room for creative extrapolation.
This story archived at http://www.libraryofmoria.com/a/viewstory.php?sid=2046