Name: sue cooke (Anonymous) · Date: May 10, 2014 02:38 pm · For: Part III. Dancing with Strangers under the Stars

I have enjoyed this series of vignettes. You have a gift for lyrical description. But I think the tales would benefit greatly from a departure from the passive voice. Your character development suffers by this. Because their actions are described rather than verbalized, you miss the opportunity to form depth of character and they become flat. When you use the characters to forward the action instead of just describing it, I think you would have a much more dynamic style.
For instance, you forward the story with this phrase:
He moved towards them in concern, calling out and beckoning to Galenbrethil as he went.
How different and active the scene transition would be:
“Banidor, what has happened? Galenbrethil! Banidor’s grandson is injured. Can we have your assistance here?”
Your tendency to use passive verb forms contributes to an ethereal and dreamy atmosphere which is rather appropriate for elves but the whole story cannot hang on it.
I hope you continue to develop your writing style as you have a wonderful imagination!

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