Harvester of Sorrow by Azzy

You wear guilt
Like shackles on your feet
Like a halo in reverse
I can feel
The discomfort in your seat
And in your head it's worse

And when our worlds they fall apart
When the walls come tumbling in
Though we may deserve it
It will be worth it

Bring your chains
Your lips of tragedy
And fall into my arms

-- Depeche mode - Halo


Mirkwood

Dinalu woke first, and smiled at the sight that met him. Elrohir had cuddled up to him during the night, so much that they were both about to tumble out of the bed. The half-elf was sleeping and Dinalu turned his head and gave his husband-to-be a quick kiss on his dark hair. Elrohir purred in his sleep and fastened his grip on Dinalu, almost as if he were afraid he would disappear.

Dinalu thought back on when they had first met, and felt his heartbeat quicken with love. To think he had gotten that wonderful creature he had seen back then! When he had first entered the courtyard he had seen him, and he had never understood why no one had been able to tell the Imladris twins apart, for he had done so from the first second he had laid eyes on them. Elrohir had smiled timidly and had shown from within with the same eternal white glow as his grandmother, the Lady of the woods. And Elladan had just felt.... felt wrong, twisted and dark. But when he had looked into the elder twin's eyes he had seen a kindness and an innocence that he had not thought there.

But Elrohir was different; he had fallen in love right there on the spot. He needed to bathe in that soft light, hear those lips spill words of love only for him. And he saw the amazement he felt right then shine back at him when he looked at Elrohir, it was like looking at the face of love. If there had been such a thing as a destined soul mate, he knew this had to be him. He was looking upon the other half of his soul.

Dinalu was shaken out of his musings by Elrohir, who kissed his ear gently. "What are you thinking?" Elrohir whispered. "It looked pleasant."

"It was," Dinalu whispered back with a smug grin.

"Good," Elrohir said softly and kissed his way down to Dinalu's mouth and placed a warm kiss there.

"I was thinking of you," Dinalu said and turned his head to look at Elrohir.

"I'm glad I'm a pleasant thought," Elrohir answered, more irritated than necessary.

"Always, my little star." Dinalu chuckled at Elrohir's irritation; perhaps he had been right, perhaps what they all needed now was some love and laughter, to chase those dark shadows away. But it just felt so wrong, and it was so hard to explain. Dinalu had seen the hurt in Elrohir's eyes when he had told him that they needed to postpone the ceremony.

"Dina?" Elrohir said and smiled nervously.

"Yes, my love?" Dinalu answered and snuggled closer to his beloved.

"Do you still desire me?"

The fair-haired prince had to stifle a chuckle. "But of course I do, beloved," he said and kissed Elrohir's cheek. "Why do you ask such silly questions?"

"I just thought... that.... that," Elrohir's voice dropped to a whisper and he sighed. "Forget it," he said.

"No, no," Dinalu said and popped up on an elbow. "What is wrong? Do you really think I don't desire you? Or is there something else amiss?"

"I... I" Elrohir whispered and flopped onto his back and pulled the covers up to his cheek. "I just remember how our mornings once were," he said and felt stupid for admitting just how much he missed having the other elf close, really close.

"I remember too," Dinalu said and leaned in to kiss Elrohir's brow gently.

"Stop it," Elrohir hissed and batted Dinalu away. "Don't mock me."

Dinalu moved back quickly with a shocked expression. "I was not mocking you, I was kissing you!"

"Same thing," Elrohir said venomously and looked at Dinalu, and right then he felt the same never-ending darkness as he had felt with Elladan. "You kiss me as if I were your family, and I am not. I am your lover, your mate."

"Forgive me," Dinalu said and lay down next to Elrohir. "I had a hard time allowing myself to be joyful and merry, let alone to feel love. Since Legolas disappeared, or died, or which of these wild stories I should believe, I have never intended to hurt you in the process of my grieving."

"I know," Elrohir said and sat up in the bed, his hair wildly disarranged and tears hanging in his lashes, "but... I miss you."

"I am right here, my love," Dinalu said and reached out for Elrohir, who to his surprise moved away

"No you are not, your body is just there to tempt me, and remind me of that it is left cold by my touch, and your mind... your thoughts are far away, locked in a secret place where I cannot reach you," Elrohir said and finally felt the tears flow down his cheeks. "And all I want is to have you here with me."

Dinalu sighed. "I need time, please Elrohir, please understand. It is not that I don't love you or desire you, I do... I just need time to grieve."

"Then love me," Elrohir almost screamed. "I could help you, help you mend your heart and loss, but you won't let me!"

"But I do love you," Dinalu whispered and lowered his gaze, "and I wish I knew how to mend my grief, and how to let you in."

Elrohir turned his head and looked at the fair-haired prince. "Remember that day by the lake? Where we made love? I want to feel like that forever, and I haven't felt so in a long time!"

"Felt what? Ants up your arse?" Dinalu said and giggled.

"No, you idiot," Elrohir said but couldn't help but giggle himself.

Dinalu looked up and reached for Elrohir once more, and this time he welcomed the touch. "I know what you mean my love, and it will be so again. All I need is some time; please grant me that and do not shy away. It is now that I need you the most, my love."

"Forgive me," Elrohir whispered and leaned against Dinalu. "I never meant to argue, I have just been so... lonely."

"There is no need for either of us to be lonely my love, we are both right here right now," Dinalu answered and kissed Elrohir's shoulder.




Rivendell

Elladan had returned to the cave with clean clothes and food. He sat there and watched Legolas eat his breakfast quickly. He stood up and tried to decide which clothes he should choose for his little one, and picked a blue tunic with matching leggings. "Here," he said and laid the clothes on the bed. "Put this on when you finish eating." Legolas looked up and smiled sadly, and to Elladan's surprise he rubbed his ear and blinked. "Sad?" Elladan whispered in amazement.

Legolas nodded and continued to rub his ear until Elladan came and picked the wee elf up. "There is no need to be sad, my sweet little rabbit," he whispered and sat down with the child in his lap. "Come, let me comb your hair and sing to you, perhaps that will chase away your sadness."

Legolas smiled a brighter smile and nodded and even more to Elladan's surprise the wee elf touched his nose lightly, just as he and Elrohir had done. This was their secret sign language they had shared for millennia; where had Legolas picked that up? Had he gestured it without knowing, and then the little elf had just picked it up? I had to be so. "You would like me to do that huh?" he whispered, and Legolas nodded again smiling, and made himself comfortable in Elladan's lap. Elladan touched his nose tip and smiled. "Yes, I would like that too." And so he began to sing.
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