Boromir...

Boromir...My love

As I sit on my rock, watching my two friends sleeping, I can't stop the single tear that is rolling down my cheek. It's been two days since Boromir died, two days since the fellowship failed. And two days since I lost the one I love more than anyone. I loved Boromir from when we first met and, as we travelled together in the fellowship, my feelings for him grew deeper. I fought to keep them hidden, scared that he would reject me if he knew how I felt. If I'd known that I was going to lose him, I would have found the courage to tell him. Maybe he would have been shocked or disgusted; maybe he did feel the same way. Either way, things could have been different. As it is, I will never know...

The tears are coming now and I stop trying to hold them back. Burying my head in my arms, for fear that my sobs will awaken the others, I let myself cry for the first time since it happened, as my mind drifts back to that day...to the one question that has haunted me since Boromir died. If I had been there, could I have prevented his death?

By the time I reached him it was too late. He had already gone. He died before I could tell him how much I loved him. The thought of Boromir, my Boromir, fighting all those orcs alone saddens me greatly. I always knew that Boromir was a proud man who would not willingly accept help, but the one time he needed help, that help came too late. I wasn't there when he needed me, I should have been fighting by his side and I wasn't. And I hate myself for letting that happen.

A hand on my shoulder shakes me from my memories and I suddenly remember that I'm supposed to be on guard. Even without turning, I know who it is.

"Aragorn" I say softly. "I'm sorry, I wasn't..."

"Legolas?" Aragorn's voice is heavy with concern. "Are you crying?"

"No" I whisper, and then ask myself why I'm lying to my friend. "Yes" I admit, before breaking down again. Aragorn puts his arms around me and holds me close.

"Boromir?" he asked quietly. "Don't worry, Legolas. His death has been hard on all of us"

"I loved him," I whisper into Aragorn's shoulder. "I loved him Aragorn, and he never knew..."

"He did know" Aragorn told me softly. "He knew," he repeated. "And he...he loved you in return, but he was scared to tell you"

"I wish he hadn't died"

"Ssssh" Aragorn whispered. "I know it's hard, but somehow we have to cope. Boromir died protecting Merry and Pippin from the orcs and we can't let his death be in vain. That's not what he would have wanted."

"No" I agreed. "It isn't. He would have wanted us to keep going"

"That's right. It's hard Legolas, but you have to let him go. Maybe you should get some sleep. You look exhausted"

"I will in a bit" I promised him, quickly wiping my eyes. "I just need a few moments alone"

"Fine" Aragorn turned away from me and disappeared into the trees. I sat there for a moment, watching Glimi to make sure he really was asleep. Finally, I knew what I wanted to say.

"Boromir" I said quietly. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you and that I didn't get to say goodbye. I love you, and I wish that things could have been different, but I'll never forget you. You'll always be in my heart. Goodbye Boromir...my love"

As I wiped the last tear from my eyes, I felt a cool breeze blowing around me and I knew that it was Boromir's way of saying goodbye. And although my heart was still heavy with grief, as I lay down beside Glimi, I realised that I did feel just a bit better.

"Goodbye Boromir" I repeated softly. "I love you"

And as I drifted into a restless sleep, I thought I heard him say,

"I love you too."

As Legolas finally sleeps, I sit and watch over him protectively. In the days since Boromir's death, he has barely eaten or slept, his heart grieving for his beloved. And watching him struggle with his sadness alone nearly destroys me, yet it seems that there is little I or Glimi can do. When Boromir died it hurt me deeply, but having to see Legolas blaming himself tears me apart inside. Until tonight, I hadn't realised quite how much Boromir meant to him; he kept it very well hidden.

I knew that Boromir loved Legolas, just as Boromir knew my feelings for the elf. We were rivals for his affection, but as far as I knew, he didn't see either of us in that way. I feel guilty about it now, but I'd always thought that if Boromir was out of the way, maybe Legolas would come to return my feelings, given time.

Although I never hated Boromir, I always saw him as a nuisance, someone who was constantly coming between me and the elf I loved. That's why I never told Legolas that Boromir loved him until now, and that's only because I wanted to ease his pain. I see now, that maybe if I had told Legolas, I could have made two people happy, even if only for a short time. If I could turn back time then that's what I would do. But now it's too late. Like I told Legolas, we can't change things. Boromir wasn't the perfect man, far from it, but if he had had someone to love...could things have been different? That's something we will never know.

Glimi's snoring jolts me from my thoughts and I have to smile. If he carries on like this, we won't need to hunt orcs. The orcs could find us quite easily just by following the noise. I half consider putting something over his head to stop the noise, then tell myself that it doesn't matter. After all, the orcs haven't come looking for us yet, so it's not likely they will now.

Slowly, moving as quietly as I possibly can, I walk over to where Legolas is sleeping and kneel down beside him. Gently I reach out a touch a strand of his long, blond hair as my eyes stay fixed on his face.

"My beautiful elf" I whisper. "My beautiful Legolas"

Yet I knew the truth, even if my heart couldn't quite accept it. Legolas wasn't mine, his heart was still Boromir's and even death couldn't change that. He didn't love me the way I loved him, no matter how much I wished that things could be different.

But, I thought as I returned to original watching position, maybe one day things could change. Although I knew that Legolas still had much grieving to do, I was there to help him through it. And, when he was ready to love again...well maybe then things would be different. It would be a long time, but I could wait.

"You hear that Legolas" I whispered. "I will never leave you. You are my reason for living, my light in the darkness. I love you, and I'll wait as long as it takes for you to return that love"

He stirred, and for a moment I feared he had awoken, but he only rolled onto his side. Giving a sigh of relief, I sat back, my sword by my side, and waited for the sun to rise...