'What have I done?' The words keep echoing in my mind. 'Frodo... what have I done?' The pain they cause is worse than the wounds of the many arrows that have pierced my flesh, worse... so much worse... it is burning my very soul... I have failed, I have failed.... and that's the only thing I can think of. I will die, I know that, I feel it in my heart. But I won't die from the arrows sticking out of my chest, no, I will die from this treason, my treason... I will die a traitor's death and they will curse me, they will regret they ever lay eyes on me, ever allowed me into the fellowship, they will curse my very existance. They will hate me... and the worst is that I know I deserve their hate, derserve death. Yes, I want to die, wish it was over now, wish this terrible pain would fade into numb darkness... the pain of my treason... I have betrayed them all, betrayed Frodo, dear Frodo, betrayed Legolas, Gimli, Sam, betrayed Merry and Pippin because I couldn't even save them, betrayed what Gandalf has given his life for in Moria and I betrayed myself, betrayed what I have lived and fought for, betrayed what I would have wished to die for... but now... I die a traitor's death, not from the many arrows but from that terrible guilt that lies too heavy on my soul... And worst of all, I have betrayed him... He will hate me, curse me... and that I cannot bear... It hurts so much, so much... let it be over, please... why do I have to suffer so? Let it be over now... I don't want to see it in his eyes, don't want to see his hate... don't want his hate to cloud my last memory of his face... Valar, I beg you... show mercy... for I know his hate would haunt me beyond death, beyond even the halls of Mandos... please...

He keeps on fighting... I cannot see him now but I know the sound, the clash of his sword that has become so familiar, I would know it everywhere... oh if you could only let me die now, let him find me dead when the fight is over, when victory is his... victory will be his, I know... always... but, Valar, I don't want to live to see this victory, not this time... no, let him find me dead... that is all I ask... but you are cruel... you will have me suffer a little bit longer now, suffer to pay for my treason... a brief memory of my father flashed through my head, my brother... and then it's him again, only him... this is torture... why can't I stop thinking of him, can never stop thinking of him, not even in death? I feel blood run down my chest... run like the springs of Lórien... my life running in a red river... Let me die now... have I not suffered enough? No, I don't want to see his hate...

But it's too late... there he is, beside me... Oh why do you look so concerned? I will die for my treason... Why do you look so sad? I do not deserve this grief in your eyes... And I see your lips form my name... don't speak it aloud... it would hurt too much... I have to say something... have to tell you...

'They took the little ones...' this hurts... hurts so badly... 'Be still' Can it be? Can it be you speak to me that way? So gently... your voice so sad... Oh please, say another word and I will die in peace... But no, there is this guilt inside my heart... 'Frodo, where is Frodo???' Tell me... please tell me that they haven't killed him... 'I let Frodo go...' Oh mercy... I did not leave him to his death then... at least I'm no murderer... 'Then you did what I could not...' I dare not say what is on my mind... dare not confess... but I must... you will hate me... and that will be the worst of all... please, I will confess my treason... but let me die before I see that hate in your eyes... I could not, no, I could not bear it... 'I tried to take the ring from him...' There it is... my confession... you will hate me now... I know you will hate me... and I know it will tear my very soul apart... 'The Ring is beyond our reach now' you say... and your voice is sad... Please, don't hate me... don't... 'Forgive me...'

yes, all I want is for you to forgive me... why are your eyes so sad... and so gentle... where's that hate? Don't you hate me now? 'I did not see... I have failed you all...' The tenderness in your eyes hurts more than the hate I expected to see... my hand on your shoulder... I don't remember putting it there... I feel nothing, see nothing but your face... and that tenderness inside your eyes... Blood is running down you cheek, paints a thin red line on your delicate pale skin... they have hurt you... curse them... curse them... you have let them hurt you to save me... no, no, not to save me... not to save this traitor... curse the one that hurt you... blood runs down your chin and I feel such an urge to reach out and wipe it away... wipe the dirt from your cheek... but I'm too weak, too weak... and I dare not move...

'No, you have fought bravely...' How can you say this to me? How can you say this to a traitor? Oh please, don't mock me... but no, in your eyes there's only tenderness... tenderness and grief... 'You have kept your honour...' No, no, you know this is not true... how can you say that? it is not true... please... don't lie to me now... but in your eyes is only truth... only tender truth... can this be? can it be you have forgiven me? you have forgiven me? you don't hate me? ... now I can die in peace... let me die... I am happy... so happy... I look into your eyes... they shall be the last I see in this world... your gentle eyes... oh how I want to get lost in them... those eyes, deep as the sea... want to drown in those pools of clear blue, want to forget everything else... Why do you look at me like this? Why do your eyes hold mine, never letting me turn away? ... but I don't want to turn away... never... how can you be so beautiful now... even now... no, more beautiful... more beautiful than in Rivendell... more beautiful even than in that night... that night in Lórien... my hand gets lost in your hair... oh I wish this moment would never go by... blood still runs down the line of your chin... wish I could rise to kiss it from your face... your beautiful face... oh, this is torture indeed... knowing I cannot live but at the same time knowing I cannot die... not now... Aragorn... I want to say your name but my voice fails...

You reach for the arrows in my chest... no, you cannot save me... although every part of my being wishes you could... 'Leave it... it is over...' I feel your hand still resting on my chest... 'The world of men will fall and all will come to darkness and my city to ruin...' I feel there's blood in my mouth... it can't be long, can't be much longer now... you don't speak... do you know I'm right? Are you afraid to admit I'm right? ... Aragorn... please, don't look at me like this... I cannot bear this any longer... you suffer... suffer for me... dearest Aragorn... don't, please don't... I curse this weakness... curse it... I wish I had the strength to pull you down to me... nearer to me... into my arms as I die... but I can do nothing but clutch your shoulder... 'I do not know what strength is in my blood' you say... but I know, I know... I believe in you... now... forever... 'but I will not let the White City fall nor our people fail...' our people... yes... our people and our city... do you remember? do you remember that night in Lórien? ... one day our paths will lead us there... that's what I told you that night... and the tower guard shall take up the call... the lords of Gondor have returned... do you remember? do you remember what I told you then? Do you think of my words now as you're promising me to save my people... our people? Oh how I wanted to go there with you... but you knew... you knew it... even then... you knew it could not be as you cast down your eyes and did not answer... no, you didn't answer that night... and you knew why... you just cast down you eyes not daring to shatter my hope... not daring to meet my eyes because you knew I would read the truth in your face... you knew the lords of Gondor would never return together... never... and my path won't lead there again... my path does never again lead home... the silver trumpets don't call me anymore... my path leads to death... into the dark and cold... you will go there, this you promise me now... this you promise as I'm dying... Lord of Gondor... King of Gondor... I wish I could be at your side... when you go there, when the silver trumpets will sound in your honour I will be with you... my love will be with you, my Aragorn... always... until the end of the world... and if fate had been kind I would have followed you... I need to tell you... I need to tell you what I feel before I die...

'our people' is all I can say... my voice is failing... I reach out for my sword... please... Aragorn... let me die a warrior's death... with my sword in my hand... can you read my thoughts? I feel the hilt of the sword heavy, so heavy on my palm... I'm so weak... so weak... raise the sword to my chest... 'our people' ...and you keep looking at me... eyes full of tenderness... and... can this be? can this be love there in your shining eyes? Aragorn...??? do you cry? do you cry for me? don't, my love, please don't... I don't deserve your tears... a traitor isn't worthy of your tears... your fingers run through my hair and I tremble... Aragorn... Aragorn... my love... I need to tell you what I feel before it's too late...

'I would have followed you, my brother' ... my brother... more than a brother, dearer than a brother to my heart... tears run down you face... no, please don't cry for me... my brother... how I have tried to hate you... tried to hate you from that first moment in Rivendell... my rival... beloved rival... I would lay Gondor at your feet... I would gladly give up anything for you... 'my captain...' ... so much more than that... and still I dare not say it... I fear I will not dare to say it and I know I will regret... regret even in death... regret that I have never told you... I feel cold... is this death reaching for my heart? ... farewell... Aragorn... my love... love of all my life... love that could never be... Estel... my hope... my star... my king...

'My King' I have said it aloud... yes, my king you are for all times... High King of Gondor... Lord of Minas Tirith... Lord of my heart... I feel cold... so cold... and you are crying... Aragorn... Isildur's heir is crying for me... I want to speak but I cannot... cannot breathe... Aragorn... I'm drowning in the darkness of your beautiful eyes... like oceans... I feel nothing... nothing but that love for you... am I dead? ... your face is so far away now... you're crying... for me... Estel... my eyes are frozen... ever looking at your beautiful face... that beloved face... I will go with you, Aragorn... always...

Your fingers caress my cheek... get lost in my hair... I'm so far away now... I can hardly see your face... You bend over me... so close... oh how I wish I could return... return for one moment... just to kiss you... taste your lips, your tears, your blood... but it's too late now... too late... and I regret... yes, I regret I never told you... never really touched you... I regret I didn't dare that night in Lórien... we were so close... and now... so far away... 'Be at peace...' your voice breaks... 'Son of Gondor'... I desperately try to hold on to that distant vision of your face... keep it in my heart forever... your beloved face... I'm falling... falling into darkness... fading... Aragorn... one last look at you face... into your eyes... far away I feel your breath upon my skin... so warm... but I am so cold... you kiss my brow... your lips brush my forehead... so tenderly... it's too late... you can't call me back now... I love you... I love you... but I'm falling... I will be with you always... and suddenly I know... I know that expression in your eyes... now it's too late I realise, realise what might have been, could have been... had fate been kind... love me always, Estel... as I will love you... may my love guide you on your way... and may it bring you back to our home... love me always... farewell... darkness... only darkness... love me always... Estel... as I will love you... in eternity...